I've moved this blog to a new location, as Word Press has more features and control options than blogger does. You can find a blog about common things at http://blogaboutcommonthings.wordpress.com/. My schedule is still Tuesday, Thursday, and Sunday, with today's blog in the works. I hope you enjoy the new location and layout, bigger and better things are in store.
Thanks for your continued readership and/or bookmarking, it means quite a bit to know that others enjoy my hobby as much as I do.
Showing posts with label list. Show all posts
Showing posts with label list. Show all posts
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Sunday, April 25, 2010
"Unplugging": Transitioning from Electric to Acoustic as a band.
I’ve long hated electric musicians, mostly because it’s easy to sound alright without having any real ability. Entire genres are built on this, letting people that have little talent get rich because of their distortion pedals. It’s a cheap trick that anyone can do if they know how to form a power chord (fifth). I don’t say this for jealousy, or as a groundbreaking rally for change. I was taught how to play guitar classically in high school, and now can play nearly any style I really want with the exceptions of Country and Jazz. For me, the way to measure a musician or a whole band is to see how they transition between electric and acoustic.
This is not true for all musicians – some can do things with electric instruments that simply cannot be done with acoustic. I’d name a few, but they don’t really matter all that much for this argument. What matters are the artists that can handle their instruments and songs well… plugged and otherwise. I’ve excluded certain acts from this list because they’re no-brainers (Goo Goo Dolls are a perfect example, since they’re mostly acoustic anyway).
That’s a lot of intro. Enjoy it.
A Perfect Circle
A Perfect Circle was one of my favorite bands as a teenager, and they’ve stuck with me as I grew older. On the albums they have a few acoustic driven songs, but very few that really grab the listener are unplugged. Instead, they’ve got a very good acoustic set of songs that can be easily found online, all of which are mature and breathtaking.
They matter on this list because they’ve done more than just take the same songs and swap instruments. “The Hollow” was completely rewritten and arranged for the new instrumentation, including less conventional drums and piano along with acoustic guitar and bass. This arrangement stays current through most of the acoustic versions available, including “Weak and Powerless,” “Sleeping Beauty,” and “3 Libras.” They all take on a nearly mystic feeling. They are all distinct from and as powerful (if not more so) than the original album recordings.
Coheed and Cambria
It’s no secret that I’m a fan boy for Coheed, but I think this isn’t without reason. I’ve mentioned some of their acoustic work in previous posts. It’s important enough for this to be redundant.
Like A Perfect Circle, they’ve completely re-arranged various songs to transition better into the world of the unplugged. “A Favor House Atlantic” and “Here We Are Juggernaut” are fantastic examples of songs that are far more powerful on steel strings than they could be on nickel. Coheed and Cambria have a much more expansive body of acoustic songs than most other bands on this list. Most aren’t all that special unplugged, but the ones that are particularly grab the listener in a chokehold without letting them up to breathe until the song’s finished. “Favor House” was streamlined to reduce the monotonous crunch of the palm muted power chord chug and boil it down to a raked open progression with feeling. “Juggernaut” most notably now has an airy guitar line… written in a major key, rather than a minor key. It’s slower, and less driving. The track is much more relaxing for it.
Many songs need little work to sound acceptable acoustic, “Welcome Home” is already very well structured for unplugging outside of some effects in the solos. The listener hardly notices they’re even missing. “From Fear Through The Eyes of Madness” sounds just as happy and uplifting acoustic as it does in the album’s recording, with the only needless addition being an octaver on the vocals. This withstanding, the whole piece is lovely. “Blood Red Summer” and “The Running Free” have little changed about them, yet both are somehow better acoustic than they were originally. Maybe this is why I’m such an avid fan.
Godsmack
Godsmack’s first album is one of my favorite hard rock albums of all time. Then they released the second album, and things fell apart for my opinion of them. After another bad album, they decided to release an acoustic album and saved themselves.
Like all other bands on this list, they arrange songs that were previously electric for a new life, and like all other bands on this list, the new versions are usually better than the originals. A notable difference is that two new songs were written solely for acoustic instrumentation, “Touché” and “Voices,” if memory serves. Both are worth the album purchase.
Not everything is so fantastic unplugged, “Keep Away” feels like it was only included because of it’s popularity as the original single. The new arrangement of “Awake” (now entitled “Asleep”) is soulless and monotonous. It’s an inspired attempt, and on principle it’s a nice twist to leave only the bones of the song that convinced so many hundreds of thousands of people to buy the second album. It just doesn’t work very well. Despite all this, they’re still talented enough to stand on this list alongside the other juggernauts.
Rise Against
A neo-punk band can rock out with nylon and steel strings? For serious?
Yes.
They don’t have all that many songs acoustic, but there are enough to make them noteworthy. Besides already acoustic songs (“Swing Life Away” and “Hero of War”) they’ve done “Prayer of the Refugee,” “Ready to Fall,” “Re-Education Through Labor” and many others acoustic. Stripping down the screaming and strummy chord progressions shows well written, hooky, powerful songs that have pop sensibilities without sacrificing meaningful significance. They aren’t generally all that different from the originals besides the change in vocal tone and naked strings, but that’s enough to make it notable.
Stone Temple Pilots
There are a lot of things that contribute to STP’s placement on this list. Most notably is Scott Weiland in his prime, when he could still control his voice and do nearly anything he really wanted. Didn’t matter that he was a fledgling drug addict, all that mattered was his considerable vocal ability. Everything else for the acoustic recordings was perfect as well: Simple percussion, straight-forward guitar, and nearly unchanged bass. That’s all it really took to make some of the best songs in the grunge era even better.
Most notable are “Big Empty,” “Plush,” and “Sourgirl.” With the exception of “Sourgirl,” nearly every song available unplugged were from the earlier career, with the later being the last real single before the band fell apart (and from what I understand, recently reunited or some silly nonsense). I wish they’d kept up with the acoustic material, they could’ve done so much more.
Honorable Mentions
Pearl Jam – They have some fantastic songs acoustic, but none really surpass the originals in terms of improvements or arrangements. “Black” is the only one that really stands out.
Lacuna Coil – Lacuna Coil probably should’ve been included above just for Christina Scabia’s ability alone, and how nice her voice sounds with acoustic guitars. The problems come from the other singer, who really sounds quite terrible. While the guitarists aren’t bad unplugged, they and Christina alone cannot make the songs sound as good as they do when distortion covers the other guy’s voice. However, “Heaven’s a Lie” is quite awesome unplugged.
Staind – They don’t do anything all that special with their music acoustic, and honestly get kind of boring as they go. The one important note is that they cover songs quite well. “Nothing Else Matters” and “Black” are both lovely. Also, “Epiphany” was already acoustic, but it sounds so nice unplugged. This is probably just Aaron Lewis’ voice being so lovely.
Ill Niño – I really wanted to put this band on the list, but they’ve got a few problems. They’ve only got two unplugged songs (and “How Can I Live?” is fantastic acoustic). The singer also can’t seem to control his voice, which is a huge problem. If he had vocal lessons and they wrote more acoustic, then I’m sure I’d love them more.
No Doubt – Not gonna lie, I was never much a fan of No Doubt. I knew a few songs from them, but nothing ever really grabbed me. Unplugged, they’re a cubic shit-ton more interesting, but they don’t really feel like they’re doing all that much to the music. I enjoy them more this way, but they don’t quite rub musically as a band should when they transition between an amp and a sound hole. I think I do enjoy them more now though, for what it’s worth.
Disagree?
This is just how it works in my taste, you don’t have to agree. Maybe you want to count an act like Pink Floyd, who mostly wrote in acoustic. I love them too, but there’s no transition to really look at. Maybe you want to look at the Paige and Plant acoustic thing they did a few years ago. It was cool, but really fucking weird. Doesn’t work very well acoustic without the aid of an entire orchestra. Doesn’t make the mark for me.
End of today’s rant.
This is not true for all musicians – some can do things with electric instruments that simply cannot be done with acoustic. I’d name a few, but they don’t really matter all that much for this argument. What matters are the artists that can handle their instruments and songs well… plugged and otherwise. I’ve excluded certain acts from this list because they’re no-brainers (Goo Goo Dolls are a perfect example, since they’re mostly acoustic anyway).
That’s a lot of intro. Enjoy it.
A Perfect Circle
A Perfect Circle was one of my favorite bands as a teenager, and they’ve stuck with me as I grew older. On the albums they have a few acoustic driven songs, but very few that really grab the listener are unplugged. Instead, they’ve got a very good acoustic set of songs that can be easily found online, all of which are mature and breathtaking.
They matter on this list because they’ve done more than just take the same songs and swap instruments. “The Hollow” was completely rewritten and arranged for the new instrumentation, including less conventional drums and piano along with acoustic guitar and bass. This arrangement stays current through most of the acoustic versions available, including “Weak and Powerless,” “Sleeping Beauty,” and “3 Libras.” They all take on a nearly mystic feeling. They are all distinct from and as powerful (if not more so) than the original album recordings.
Coheed and Cambria
It’s no secret that I’m a fan boy for Coheed, but I think this isn’t without reason. I’ve mentioned some of their acoustic work in previous posts. It’s important enough for this to be redundant.
Like A Perfect Circle, they’ve completely re-arranged various songs to transition better into the world of the unplugged. “A Favor House Atlantic” and “Here We Are Juggernaut” are fantastic examples of songs that are far more powerful on steel strings than they could be on nickel. Coheed and Cambria have a much more expansive body of acoustic songs than most other bands on this list. Most aren’t all that special unplugged, but the ones that are particularly grab the listener in a chokehold without letting them up to breathe until the song’s finished. “Favor House” was streamlined to reduce the monotonous crunch of the palm muted power chord chug and boil it down to a raked open progression with feeling. “Juggernaut” most notably now has an airy guitar line… written in a major key, rather than a minor key. It’s slower, and less driving. The track is much more relaxing for it.
Many songs need little work to sound acceptable acoustic, “Welcome Home” is already very well structured for unplugging outside of some effects in the solos. The listener hardly notices they’re even missing. “From Fear Through The Eyes of Madness” sounds just as happy and uplifting acoustic as it does in the album’s recording, with the only needless addition being an octaver on the vocals. This withstanding, the whole piece is lovely. “Blood Red Summer” and “The Running Free” have little changed about them, yet both are somehow better acoustic than they were originally. Maybe this is why I’m such an avid fan.
Godsmack
Godsmack’s first album is one of my favorite hard rock albums of all time. Then they released the second album, and things fell apart for my opinion of them. After another bad album, they decided to release an acoustic album and saved themselves.
Like all other bands on this list, they arrange songs that were previously electric for a new life, and like all other bands on this list, the new versions are usually better than the originals. A notable difference is that two new songs were written solely for acoustic instrumentation, “Touché” and “Voices,” if memory serves. Both are worth the album purchase.
Not everything is so fantastic unplugged, “Keep Away” feels like it was only included because of it’s popularity as the original single. The new arrangement of “Awake” (now entitled “Asleep”) is soulless and monotonous. It’s an inspired attempt, and on principle it’s a nice twist to leave only the bones of the song that convinced so many hundreds of thousands of people to buy the second album. It just doesn’t work very well. Despite all this, they’re still talented enough to stand on this list alongside the other juggernauts.
Rise Against
A neo-punk band can rock out with nylon and steel strings? For serious?
Yes.
They don’t have all that many songs acoustic, but there are enough to make them noteworthy. Besides already acoustic songs (“Swing Life Away” and “Hero of War”) they’ve done “Prayer of the Refugee,” “Ready to Fall,” “Re-Education Through Labor” and many others acoustic. Stripping down the screaming and strummy chord progressions shows well written, hooky, powerful songs that have pop sensibilities without sacrificing meaningful significance. They aren’t generally all that different from the originals besides the change in vocal tone and naked strings, but that’s enough to make it notable.
Stone Temple Pilots
There are a lot of things that contribute to STP’s placement on this list. Most notably is Scott Weiland in his prime, when he could still control his voice and do nearly anything he really wanted. Didn’t matter that he was a fledgling drug addict, all that mattered was his considerable vocal ability. Everything else for the acoustic recordings was perfect as well: Simple percussion, straight-forward guitar, and nearly unchanged bass. That’s all it really took to make some of the best songs in the grunge era even better.
Most notable are “Big Empty,” “Plush,” and “Sourgirl.” With the exception of “Sourgirl,” nearly every song available unplugged were from the earlier career, with the later being the last real single before the band fell apart (and from what I understand, recently reunited or some silly nonsense). I wish they’d kept up with the acoustic material, they could’ve done so much more.
Honorable Mentions
Pearl Jam – They have some fantastic songs acoustic, but none really surpass the originals in terms of improvements or arrangements. “Black” is the only one that really stands out.
Lacuna Coil – Lacuna Coil probably should’ve been included above just for Christina Scabia’s ability alone, and how nice her voice sounds with acoustic guitars. The problems come from the other singer, who really sounds quite terrible. While the guitarists aren’t bad unplugged, they and Christina alone cannot make the songs sound as good as they do when distortion covers the other guy’s voice. However, “Heaven’s a Lie” is quite awesome unplugged.
Staind – They don’t do anything all that special with their music acoustic, and honestly get kind of boring as they go. The one important note is that they cover songs quite well. “Nothing Else Matters” and “Black” are both lovely. Also, “Epiphany” was already acoustic, but it sounds so nice unplugged. This is probably just Aaron Lewis’ voice being so lovely.
Ill Niño – I really wanted to put this band on the list, but they’ve got a few problems. They’ve only got two unplugged songs (and “How Can I Live?” is fantastic acoustic). The singer also can’t seem to control his voice, which is a huge problem. If he had vocal lessons and they wrote more acoustic, then I’m sure I’d love them more.
No Doubt – Not gonna lie, I was never much a fan of No Doubt. I knew a few songs from them, but nothing ever really grabbed me. Unplugged, they’re a cubic shit-ton more interesting, but they don’t really feel like they’re doing all that much to the music. I enjoy them more this way, but they don’t quite rub musically as a band should when they transition between an amp and a sound hole. I think I do enjoy them more now though, for what it’s worth.
Disagree?
This is just how it works in my taste, you don’t have to agree. Maybe you want to count an act like Pink Floyd, who mostly wrote in acoustic. I love them too, but there’s no transition to really look at. Maybe you want to look at the Paige and Plant acoustic thing they did a few years ago. It was cool, but really fucking weird. Doesn’t work very well acoustic without the aid of an entire orchestra. Doesn’t make the mark for me.
End of today’s rant.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
We all got left behind, we let it all slip away.
As promised, I now finish my discussion of disposable media.
Games
This was a difficult task at first, until I realized a few very important things. Not only is a Gamecube a small system (built for being brought as a party favor), but the games came on Minidisk. They're tiny, and easily deposited into a minidisk case. As such, none were left behind (I only own seven to begin with, making things easier). The Playstation 2 games were much more difficult. I left behind Final Fantasy X2, The Sims, Kingdom Hearts, and Unreal Tournament. I'm yet to pack PS1 games, but in the event I do, only King's Field, Martian Gothic, Dragonseeds, and ReBoot will be left behind. All NES games will stay (besides Punch Out!!, one of my favorite games of all time).
I'm not abandoning classics, not really. FFX2 was mostly a marketing experiment that shouldn't've ever seen the light of day. There were a lot of cool things in it, but the whole thing reeked of spin off. The game should've been marketed as a stand-alone, with a new world and new characters. It would've done better, and not tarnished the reputation of an otherwise very good game. Whatever people say about Final Fantasy X, I will defend it better than they will bash it. I can't do that for FFX2. The Sims is an art project. Chuck Klosterman said in Sex, Drugs and Cocoa-Puffs something to the effect of "people playing a game about watching their lives while they play games." I don't play games to get surreal, I play to get rid of realism when I can help it.
Kingdom Hearts is another great game, but I'm not so big on showing constant love for Squeenix. They've failed in the past (see FFX2, most FFVII spin-offs, and most early games), and they know it. Kingdom Hearts isn't a failure (though Chain of Memories was), but it isn't vital enough to my personality. I haven't played it in three years or more, and I don't feel I'm missing all that much. I know what happens now, the grinding wasn't all that great, and the novelty of playing with Disney characters wore off within a half hour of playing the game. There's nothing there for me now. Unrelated, Unreal Tournament was only good for the PC. Getting it for the PS2 was an impulse buy from the used bin. Still one of the only FPS' I will play (besides Portal and Metroid Prime Hunters), but this version is nothing worth holding onto.
The average reader won't know three of the four PS1 games mentioned, and this might not be a bad thing. They were all pretty kickass in theory, but execution killed them. King's Field is a first-person hack and slash that was actually too good for the PS1's engine to handle. I played it recently on an emulator (since my PS1 decided to commit ritual suicide) and the enhanced frame-rate made the game actually playable... but it didn't help. The game was overly difficult, too advanced for the system it was on, and generally moody. Martian Gothic is a generic horror/survival in a haunted house in space. Scared the bejezus out of me when I was a kid, but now it's just cheesy in a bad way.
Dragonseeds was a cool game with a fun premise. You bred test-tube baby dragons to fight against one another in tournaments. They were given weapons, and told to fight to the death against one another. There was no other gameplay besides breeding, fighting, and shopping. What made it awesome was the combat system (preprogrammed moves, trying to foresee the opponent's moves for two turns) and the "wild" dragon area. The game would read the data from your memory cards and generate a random dragon based on what game info you had there... from other games. It's like an own-able MGS moment.
ReBoot was a show in the 90's that took place inside a computer and was made in Canada. The show was amazing. The game came out towards the end of the show's lifetime. It's a piece of shit. The controls are terrible, the motion is difficult without any momentum breakers (you're on Bob's hover-board... he can't seem to walk at all, and you need to pull back to slow down and stop), and the targeting makes me want to hang Bob with my controller cable. The game should've been good, and if the player could walk/lock on, then it would've been. Instead it's unplayable, and only makes for a nice conversation piece.
"Oh writer, how could you abandon those NES games?! I thought you were a real gamer!" Oh dear reader, how narrow minded of you. The old NES games were mostly fun, and it's credited as the system that brought video games to the forefront of home entertainment... but that doesn't make them good. I love the original Mario/Duck Hunt, and Contra. And even Dragon Warrior. I played them all until my controller wore out, and then I went to the spare. I don't care that I'm leaving them behind anyway, because they've all been rendered obsolete. Super Mario Bros. has been done so many times after that it could only get better. Super Mario Bros 3 is far superior, and Super Mario World surpassed that too. Then others came out down the line that were equally awesome, but for systems I'm going to keep, like the DS. My NES is in pieces right now, and I don't own a light gun. Why should I hold on to things that literally are unplayable? Besides that, Ikari Warriors sucks.
Books
This was the hardest of them all, as my readers know. I love books, and in a way they become a measure of my progress as a thinking person. They aren't all/mostly intellectual, but they can't all come with me. It's unrealistic. So a small section of the stuff that was left behind includes most of Shakespeare's work, Pet Sematary, the Lord of the Rings books (including Hobbit), Something Wicked This Way Comes, the Harry Potter series, and most of my Calvin and Hobbes collections.
I don't mind leaving behind Shakespeare so much, he's public domain. I can look him up anywhere and print his work out for my leisure for free. I left behind Measure for Measure, The Tempest, a version of Othello, Antony and Cleopatra, All's Well that Ends Well, Much Ado About Nothing, Coriolanus, and Cymbelline. That said, I kept the other half of the Shakespeare I owned. At one point I was strongly considering becoming a literature major with a supreme concentration in Shakespeare's work. Then I realized it's silly, when he's been dead for centuries. I'd rather study things that are still alive and fresh, rather than trying to breathe fresh life into the dead. I don't love his work any less (though I know many can't stand him), but I don't think it matters that much to have every obscure play he's done. Coriolanus is a fine example of a steaming lump of yesterday's supper that The Bard emitted to pay his bills when he got old. It happens sometimes.
I don't like Stephen King's written work for the most part. He's a wonderful storyteller, and I respect him greatly, but his style of writing is too poppy for my taste. He can create a character's snapshot perfectly in three sentences (usually to kill them a page later), and his stories are beyond words. I just hate his stuff when it's written, and not filmed. Pet Sematary is one of three exceptions so far (the other two being Green Mile and On Writing, the later of which was kept). I loved this story, and the writing was passable because of the build. It's not that I'm a zombie buff, or that I love twisted takes on innocence being distorted. The characters grabbed me better than nearly any other pop-lit novel has, and the story came together perfectly. Why's it getting left behind? I've got somewhere around 400 books, and I can only afford the space for (maybe) 75 of them. This gets left behind in favor of something more vital.
Tolkien is another man I respect greatly, but not for his writing. Tolkien was an amazing linguist, and a man of great conviction to his faith. He's probably the most popular Christian author anyone is likely to read, and most people don't even realize it. I respect anyone who can mix their faith with their personal hobbies (the study of folklore and mythology was a major theme in his life, obviously) and make something enduring. Of all the things Tolkien was, he was NOT a writer. He created the Lord of the Rings series to give his languages a home. Elvish is a fully fleshed language, and LotR exists for it. Not the other way around. The stories have terrible pacing, the characters are mostly bland, and it offers little else besides beautiful shots of being lost in the woods. Just like a certain book later in this list thing. If I wanted to wander in the woods, I'd go do it in reality.
Ray Bradbury's brilliant, but Something Wicked... isn't one of my favorites from him. The evil carnival motif is cool at first, but the entire first quarter of the book is "OMINOUS OMINOUS AND DARK," without any plot development. Cool atmosphere, bad build. Fahrenheit 451 wins instead.
Harry Potter's a lot of fun after the first two children's books. The series really starts at the third novel, with extended backstory. I do like the series greatly, and perhaps if it wasn't so over-saturated in today's culture, I'd bring them with me. I don't really need to though, this shit's everywhere. A few years ago I couldn't look anywhere without seeing something relating to the boy that lived. As the series progressed it got darker, and the writing got more mature. By book 7, Rowlnig took a turn for the Tolkien, wasting half the book wandering in the woods. I actually stopped reading this book for a few weeks because I couldn't get out of the fucking woods. I began to suspect that Voldemort was hiding inside a goddamned tree. This series, while wonderful, is also largely unoriginal. Nearly all aspects - while used creatively - are drawn from most of the same sources Tolkien used. If I owned it in paperback and it wasn't so common, I might consider braving the extra weight. It isn't, so I won't bring it.
Calvin and Hobbes has a very special place in my heart, it was the first comic I really got attached to. Bill Watterson is one of my heroes, and when I was doing a comic strip column for Serpentine Magazine I referenced him frequently. He was my first exposure to many fantastic concepts that I wouldn't've cared about otherwise. He gave some of the best dialogue I've ever seen. He presented the option of imagination. In nearly every way, Watterson shaped me - in some part - into who I am now. As such, I own 10 of the collections. I only have the space for one or two. I still haven't decided which I will keep.
There are hundreds of other books left behind too, including things I got for class and novels I really enjoyed when I was younger. They're innocent victims of circumstance mostly, but circumstance is really all that matters. A man fishing is fine in most cases, unless he's catching endangered fish. Then he's become a felon. These aren't really all disposable, but they must all be disposed of.
Games
This was a difficult task at first, until I realized a few very important things. Not only is a Gamecube a small system (built for being brought as a party favor), but the games came on Minidisk. They're tiny, and easily deposited into a minidisk case. As such, none were left behind (I only own seven to begin with, making things easier). The Playstation 2 games were much more difficult. I left behind Final Fantasy X2, The Sims, Kingdom Hearts, and Unreal Tournament. I'm yet to pack PS1 games, but in the event I do, only King's Field, Martian Gothic, Dragonseeds, and ReBoot will be left behind. All NES games will stay (besides Punch Out!!, one of my favorite games of all time).
I'm not abandoning classics, not really. FFX2 was mostly a marketing experiment that shouldn't've ever seen the light of day. There were a lot of cool things in it, but the whole thing reeked of spin off. The game should've been marketed as a stand-alone, with a new world and new characters. It would've done better, and not tarnished the reputation of an otherwise very good game. Whatever people say about Final Fantasy X, I will defend it better than they will bash it. I can't do that for FFX2. The Sims is an art project. Chuck Klosterman said in Sex, Drugs and Cocoa-Puffs something to the effect of "people playing a game about watching their lives while they play games." I don't play games to get surreal, I play to get rid of realism when I can help it.
Kingdom Hearts is another great game, but I'm not so big on showing constant love for Squeenix. They've failed in the past (see FFX2, most FFVII spin-offs, and most early games), and they know it. Kingdom Hearts isn't a failure (though Chain of Memories was), but it isn't vital enough to my personality. I haven't played it in three years or more, and I don't feel I'm missing all that much. I know what happens now, the grinding wasn't all that great, and the novelty of playing with Disney characters wore off within a half hour of playing the game. There's nothing there for me now. Unrelated, Unreal Tournament was only good for the PC. Getting it for the PS2 was an impulse buy from the used bin. Still one of the only FPS' I will play (besides Portal and Metroid Prime Hunters), but this version is nothing worth holding onto.
The average reader won't know three of the four PS1 games mentioned, and this might not be a bad thing. They were all pretty kickass in theory, but execution killed them. King's Field is a first-person hack and slash that was actually too good for the PS1's engine to handle. I played it recently on an emulator (since my PS1 decided to commit ritual suicide) and the enhanced frame-rate made the game actually playable... but it didn't help. The game was overly difficult, too advanced for the system it was on, and generally moody. Martian Gothic is a generic horror/survival in a haunted house in space. Scared the bejezus out of me when I was a kid, but now it's just cheesy in a bad way.
Dragonseeds was a cool game with a fun premise. You bred test-tube baby dragons to fight against one another in tournaments. They were given weapons, and told to fight to the death against one another. There was no other gameplay besides breeding, fighting, and shopping. What made it awesome was the combat system (preprogrammed moves, trying to foresee the opponent's moves for two turns) and the "wild" dragon area. The game would read the data from your memory cards and generate a random dragon based on what game info you had there... from other games. It's like an own-able MGS moment.
ReBoot was a show in the 90's that took place inside a computer and was made in Canada. The show was amazing. The game came out towards the end of the show's lifetime. It's a piece of shit. The controls are terrible, the motion is difficult without any momentum breakers (you're on Bob's hover-board... he can't seem to walk at all, and you need to pull back to slow down and stop), and the targeting makes me want to hang Bob with my controller cable. The game should've been good, and if the player could walk/lock on, then it would've been. Instead it's unplayable, and only makes for a nice conversation piece.
"Oh writer, how could you abandon those NES games?! I thought you were a real gamer!" Oh dear reader, how narrow minded of you. The old NES games were mostly fun, and it's credited as the system that brought video games to the forefront of home entertainment... but that doesn't make them good. I love the original Mario/Duck Hunt, and Contra. And even Dragon Warrior. I played them all until my controller wore out, and then I went to the spare. I don't care that I'm leaving them behind anyway, because they've all been rendered obsolete. Super Mario Bros. has been done so many times after that it could only get better. Super Mario Bros 3 is far superior, and Super Mario World surpassed that too. Then others came out down the line that were equally awesome, but for systems I'm going to keep, like the DS. My NES is in pieces right now, and I don't own a light gun. Why should I hold on to things that literally are unplayable? Besides that, Ikari Warriors sucks.
Books
This was the hardest of them all, as my readers know. I love books, and in a way they become a measure of my progress as a thinking person. They aren't all/mostly intellectual, but they can't all come with me. It's unrealistic. So a small section of the stuff that was left behind includes most of Shakespeare's work, Pet Sematary, the Lord of the Rings books (including Hobbit), Something Wicked This Way Comes, the Harry Potter series, and most of my Calvin and Hobbes collections.
I don't mind leaving behind Shakespeare so much, he's public domain. I can look him up anywhere and print his work out for my leisure for free. I left behind Measure for Measure, The Tempest, a version of Othello, Antony and Cleopatra, All's Well that Ends Well, Much Ado About Nothing, Coriolanus, and Cymbelline. That said, I kept the other half of the Shakespeare I owned. At one point I was strongly considering becoming a literature major with a supreme concentration in Shakespeare's work. Then I realized it's silly, when he's been dead for centuries. I'd rather study things that are still alive and fresh, rather than trying to breathe fresh life into the dead. I don't love his work any less (though I know many can't stand him), but I don't think it matters that much to have every obscure play he's done. Coriolanus is a fine example of a steaming lump of yesterday's supper that The Bard emitted to pay his bills when he got old. It happens sometimes.
I don't like Stephen King's written work for the most part. He's a wonderful storyteller, and I respect him greatly, but his style of writing is too poppy for my taste. He can create a character's snapshot perfectly in three sentences (usually to kill them a page later), and his stories are beyond words. I just hate his stuff when it's written, and not filmed. Pet Sematary is one of three exceptions so far (the other two being Green Mile and On Writing, the later of which was kept). I loved this story, and the writing was passable because of the build. It's not that I'm a zombie buff, or that I love twisted takes on innocence being distorted. The characters grabbed me better than nearly any other pop-lit novel has, and the story came together perfectly. Why's it getting left behind? I've got somewhere around 400 books, and I can only afford the space for (maybe) 75 of them. This gets left behind in favor of something more vital.
Tolkien is another man I respect greatly, but not for his writing. Tolkien was an amazing linguist, and a man of great conviction to his faith. He's probably the most popular Christian author anyone is likely to read, and most people don't even realize it. I respect anyone who can mix their faith with their personal hobbies (the study of folklore and mythology was a major theme in his life, obviously) and make something enduring. Of all the things Tolkien was, he was NOT a writer. He created the Lord of the Rings series to give his languages a home. Elvish is a fully fleshed language, and LotR exists for it. Not the other way around. The stories have terrible pacing, the characters are mostly bland, and it offers little else besides beautiful shots of being lost in the woods. Just like a certain book later in this list thing. If I wanted to wander in the woods, I'd go do it in reality.
Ray Bradbury's brilliant, but Something Wicked... isn't one of my favorites from him. The evil carnival motif is cool at first, but the entire first quarter of the book is "OMINOUS OMINOUS AND DARK," without any plot development. Cool atmosphere, bad build. Fahrenheit 451 wins instead.
Harry Potter's a lot of fun after the first two children's books. The series really starts at the third novel, with extended backstory. I do like the series greatly, and perhaps if it wasn't so over-saturated in today's culture, I'd bring them with me. I don't really need to though, this shit's everywhere. A few years ago I couldn't look anywhere without seeing something relating to the boy that lived. As the series progressed it got darker, and the writing got more mature. By book 7, Rowlnig took a turn for the Tolkien, wasting half the book wandering in the woods. I actually stopped reading this book for a few weeks because I couldn't get out of the fucking woods. I began to suspect that Voldemort was hiding inside a goddamned tree. This series, while wonderful, is also largely unoriginal. Nearly all aspects - while used creatively - are drawn from most of the same sources Tolkien used. If I owned it in paperback and it wasn't so common, I might consider braving the extra weight. It isn't, so I won't bring it.
Calvin and Hobbes has a very special place in my heart, it was the first comic I really got attached to. Bill Watterson is one of my heroes, and when I was doing a comic strip column for Serpentine Magazine I referenced him frequently. He was my first exposure to many fantastic concepts that I wouldn't've cared about otherwise. He gave some of the best dialogue I've ever seen. He presented the option of imagination. In nearly every way, Watterson shaped me - in some part - into who I am now. As such, I own 10 of the collections. I only have the space for one or two. I still haven't decided which I will keep.
There are hundreds of other books left behind too, including things I got for class and novels I really enjoyed when I was younger. They're innocent victims of circumstance mostly, but circumstance is really all that matters. A man fishing is fine in most cases, unless he's catching endangered fish. Then he's become a felon. These aren't really all disposable, but they must all be disposed of.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Rover. Wanderer. Nomad. Vagabond. Call me what you will...
This was supposed to be about the new Health Care bill, but I realized that I'm not a political writer, and to be perfectly honest, I don't feel it's my place to talk about it just yet. It wouldn't be in my writing's spirit.
Then I considered writing about academia, and why I feel that all teachers should be field tested, but in essence I've already done that.
I then considered writing about my feelings for the status of the DSi, and how I feel about the current assortment of downloadable games (and how few of them actually matter), but instead I decided to shave my mustache. While doing this I realized that I'd rather right about disposable media.
This isn't in the sense that all media is disposable, as "disposable" doesn't have the standard definition in this context. Disposable Media is that which is inconsequential or a passing fancy. I've got a lot of this, most of which that you, my dear reader, will disagree with. Here's a small sampling of things I've deemed DM.
Video
This was the easiest, as I don't really watch very much to begin with. Most notable are the Saw films, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Happy Tree Friends (Season 1), Clerks, Sean of the Dead, and Labyrinth.
TMNT and Labyrinth have a special place in my heart, having grown up with them both practically on loop. I actually burnt out the cassette for Labyrinth. They're examples on this list of films that only hold sentimental value because they were there while I was a child. Neither of them are very good, but both are somewhat memorable. Besides seeing my childhood heroes brought to life through huge suits, TMNT has nothing special about it. Labyrinth has some creative sets and interesting lines, but besides being a generic fantasy with muppets, there's nothing that really forces this DVD into my box of things worth salvaging in the event of a impromptu move to Belgium (not that I'd move there, but they make a fantastic example).
The other films on this list - especially Sean of the Dead and Clerks - are still fantastic films. Sean of the Dead is one of my favorite comedies/zombie movies of all time. My issue/reason to abandon them is that neither are significantly worth the space when compared to the Neverender: Children of the Fence box set, or the first two seasons of Metalocalypse. Just because something's amazing doesn't mean that it's worth making an active part of your life.
Music
This one's much more tricky, as someone that takes great pride in being able to name probably more bands than you, along with singles and (in some cases) who produced which albums. That said, I've trimmed from about 300 albums down to about 50 (I don't want to count, it'll break my heart). I left behind entire discographies on compact disk. Some of them are no-brainers, like the early Limp Bizkit and Creed, but others took more thought and nearly caused me physical discomfort.
That said, the most notable albums or discographies I'm leaving behind are all Metallica, Otep, Mudvayne, and Taproot albums. Also included of note are Steve Vai's The Elusive Light and Sound Vol. 1 (though typing it made me rip the disk to my Zune, having had very good memories with it), Eric Hutchinson's That Could've Gone Better, Billy Joel's Storm Front, and Black Sabbath's Paranoid.
Metallica and Taproot are wonderful examples of what I used to be, ten years ago. I was angst ridden and fancied myself much less than I should've at the time. While both bands have their own merits (Metallica is a genuinely amazing band, and Taproot grew so much as musicians over the span of three albums that they should be commended, and might've actually earned the record deal by now), neither of them really matter to me in the way that they used to. My musical tastes have changed so much that while I can still appreciate them, I don't in a way that binds them to my life. Taproot actually has more songs I still identify with, oddly enough, and they've a very special spot in my mobile media device. Unfortunately they take too much space in my box o' stuff.
Otep and Mudvayne are also examples of things I grew out of, but both came later. Both are well educated in the lyrics and messages (contrary to popular belief), but neither really show the side of me that I want my music to show. I'm not that angry a person anymore, and while the sophisticated approaches still fit my views of the world in many cases, I don't really care enough in this way to save them. I don't love them any less, but I don't love them enough to salvage them should I need to restructure and redesign my life.
The individual albums hurt more. Steve Vai was playing in my ears when I was put under sedation to have surgery in high school. Morphine and Vai together are pretty fucking amazing. This album isn't even all that special, it's the work he's done for movies... but he's so good that even this crap is goddamn glourious. Hutch is an old favorite, and before he got signed he was amazing. I bought this album from him personally, and it shows his ability as a songwriter better than anything he's done since he got his record deal. Ironically, he has a live album (worth saving) called Before I Sold Out. I miss his sense of humor, before he turned into a packaged commodity. His work is still worth listening to, but the original album didn't make the cut like the live one did. And the studio one is comparative shit.
Joel's album sucks when looking at his real body of work. This is no huge loss besides one song of note ("Downeaster Alexia"). Paranoid hurts a lot, it's one of the albums that got me into music in the first place. With enough elements of blues to keep me listening despite folk upbringing, it made me smile and helped inspire me to play guitar. It's one of the first albums classified as "metal." That's pretty badass. Why am I leaving it? The songs are imprinted into my brain, and I can play them all note for note on guitar besides solos for personal reasons. They're getting left behind because they're so amazing that they don't need to stay with me. Besides that, I held on to We Sold Our Souls for Rock and Roll, which has half the album on it anyway.
This is already a pretty epic blog. I'll finish it tomorrow (not Sunday) to conclude with Games and Books. You can guess which one will dominate that post.
Then I considered writing about academia, and why I feel that all teachers should be field tested, but in essence I've already done that.
I then considered writing about my feelings for the status of the DSi, and how I feel about the current assortment of downloadable games (and how few of them actually matter), but instead I decided to shave my mustache. While doing this I realized that I'd rather right about disposable media.
This isn't in the sense that all media is disposable, as "disposable" doesn't have the standard definition in this context. Disposable Media is that which is inconsequential or a passing fancy. I've got a lot of this, most of which that you, my dear reader, will disagree with. Here's a small sampling of things I've deemed DM.
Video
This was the easiest, as I don't really watch very much to begin with. Most notable are the Saw films, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Happy Tree Friends (Season 1), Clerks, Sean of the Dead, and Labyrinth.
TMNT and Labyrinth have a special place in my heart, having grown up with them both practically on loop. I actually burnt out the cassette for Labyrinth. They're examples on this list of films that only hold sentimental value because they were there while I was a child. Neither of them are very good, but both are somewhat memorable. Besides seeing my childhood heroes brought to life through huge suits, TMNT has nothing special about it. Labyrinth has some creative sets and interesting lines, but besides being a generic fantasy with muppets, there's nothing that really forces this DVD into my box of things worth salvaging in the event of a impromptu move to Belgium (not that I'd move there, but they make a fantastic example).
The other films on this list - especially Sean of the Dead and Clerks - are still fantastic films. Sean of the Dead is one of my favorite comedies/zombie movies of all time. My issue/reason to abandon them is that neither are significantly worth the space when compared to the Neverender: Children of the Fence box set, or the first two seasons of Metalocalypse. Just because something's amazing doesn't mean that it's worth making an active part of your life.
Music
This one's much more tricky, as someone that takes great pride in being able to name probably more bands than you, along with singles and (in some cases) who produced which albums. That said, I've trimmed from about 300 albums down to about 50 (I don't want to count, it'll break my heart). I left behind entire discographies on compact disk. Some of them are no-brainers, like the early Limp Bizkit and Creed, but others took more thought and nearly caused me physical discomfort.
That said, the most notable albums or discographies I'm leaving behind are all Metallica, Otep, Mudvayne, and Taproot albums. Also included of note are Steve Vai's The Elusive Light and Sound Vol. 1 (though typing it made me rip the disk to my Zune, having had very good memories with it), Eric Hutchinson's That Could've Gone Better, Billy Joel's Storm Front, and Black Sabbath's Paranoid.
Metallica and Taproot are wonderful examples of what I used to be, ten years ago. I was angst ridden and fancied myself much less than I should've at the time. While both bands have their own merits (Metallica is a genuinely amazing band, and Taproot grew so much as musicians over the span of three albums that they should be commended, and might've actually earned the record deal by now), neither of them really matter to me in the way that they used to. My musical tastes have changed so much that while I can still appreciate them, I don't in a way that binds them to my life. Taproot actually has more songs I still identify with, oddly enough, and they've a very special spot in my mobile media device. Unfortunately they take too much space in my box o' stuff.
Otep and Mudvayne are also examples of things I grew out of, but both came later. Both are well educated in the lyrics and messages (contrary to popular belief), but neither really show the side of me that I want my music to show. I'm not that angry a person anymore, and while the sophisticated approaches still fit my views of the world in many cases, I don't really care enough in this way to save them. I don't love them any less, but I don't love them enough to salvage them should I need to restructure and redesign my life.
The individual albums hurt more. Steve Vai was playing in my ears when I was put under sedation to have surgery in high school. Morphine and Vai together are pretty fucking amazing. This album isn't even all that special, it's the work he's done for movies... but he's so good that even this crap is goddamn glourious. Hutch is an old favorite, and before he got signed he was amazing. I bought this album from him personally, and it shows his ability as a songwriter better than anything he's done since he got his record deal. Ironically, he has a live album (worth saving) called Before I Sold Out. I miss his sense of humor, before he turned into a packaged commodity. His work is still worth listening to, but the original album didn't make the cut like the live one did. And the studio one is comparative shit.
Joel's album sucks when looking at his real body of work. This is no huge loss besides one song of note ("Downeaster Alexia"). Paranoid hurts a lot, it's one of the albums that got me into music in the first place. With enough elements of blues to keep me listening despite folk upbringing, it made me smile and helped inspire me to play guitar. It's one of the first albums classified as "metal." That's pretty badass. Why am I leaving it? The songs are imprinted into my brain, and I can play them all note for note on guitar besides solos for personal reasons. They're getting left behind because they're so amazing that they don't need to stay with me. Besides that, I held on to We Sold Our Souls for Rock and Roll, which has half the album on it anyway.
This is already a pretty epic blog. I'll finish it tomorrow (not Sunday) to conclude with Games and Books. You can guess which one will dominate that post.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Games I Obsess Over
Earlier a friend of mine went on a ten minute rant about why she loves World of Warcraft. Her points were all valid and the sort made by fan-children of that game. I don't bash World of Warcraft, even if I do occasionally poke fun at it. All gamers (and most people in general) have a game (or something else) that they obsess over. Most have many.
I've got a bunch. Most reflect various times in my life, but all are amazing games that you should play.
Without any order, my 11 favorite games:
Diablo II: This game is so good that I've recently put it back on my computer. The expansion pack (the only real way to have a complete game) came out in 2001. While it's somewhat pixelated compared to most modern games for the PC, it's aged much better than most games in it's time. I blame Blizzard, since they engineer electronic crack on a level beyond normal human consumption. The game is addictive, has extremely high replay value, and was in many ways a dark humor piece. If you read my blog, then you know I'm all over that kind of stuff.
Final Fantasy VII: My first major RPG is still one of my most memorable. I'm not as rabid a fanatic as many other fans of FFVII, but I do defend it for what it's worth. The graphics have aged like raw meat, story is full of holes, the main character is a stereotype for "generic-stoic-swordsman" that many RPGs have adopted since, and the game takes forever. That said, the graphics were amazing when it came out, the story (holes and all) is quite engaging, the characters are better developed than most video games (even if some are cheesy grabs at niche audiences), and the huge amount of play time only keeps you coming back. On top of all this, the music is fantastic.
Katamari Damacy: An art game, a stoner's daydream, a statement about consumerism - all are applicable labels for Katamari Damacy. The gameplay is simple and addictive (if you can push a ball, you can play this game). Plot synopsis: Your father - God - gets drunk and smashes all the stars in the sky. As his son, it's your job to fix it while he makes fun of you. You do this by taking a self contained quantum singularity and pushing it around on earth against objects. The ball gets bigger as you absorb objects. When it's big enough, your father turns it into a star. All the while he tells you it's tiny, because you are tiny, because he doesn't remember you're his kid in the later games. What a fucked up family.
Gex: Enter the Gecko: This is a sequel to another game I adore, but I remember this one much better. That just means that this one ate my life in late grade school and the beginning of high school. You play a Gecko that was sucked into the dimension of television to fight some metallic asshole that wants to kill you. As you play, you go through many popular movie genres and change costumes as you do. You use your tongue and tail (mostly for terrible puns) while you solve puzzles and die frequently. It made me very happy when I was younger, though when I look back I don't see as much appeal in this sequel as I did in the original. Still worth playing, but perhaps not as much as others on this list.
Gunbound: Oh Jesus. This game ate most of my senior year. That's not a bad thing though, there was a large group of my friends in this game as well. Ten or twelve of us would talk about it mostly in class, then go home and kick each others asses when we got in. It was a lot of fun, until people started hacking it and the host changed formats to only support Internet Explorer. The gist of it is that you're a kid in a tank/on an animal/riding a hovercraft/etc that has to kill everyone else on their vehicles by shooting at odd angles and compensating for the wind. It's very Korean-anime style, and cutesy for it. The game had some really hardcore players though. Worth the time if you're an IE user.
Gunstar Heroes: Best Genesis game ever. It's available on the Wii's Virtual Console. Go buy it if you can. There's some kind of rescue plot to save the world or some bullshit like that, but no one cares. The graphics were very polished, the gameplay was an addictive shooter/action (like Contra, but better. No, I didn't just blaspheme. It's truth), the music was catchy and well constructed, and the two-player mode was just as much fun as single player (the game is very difficult for only one person to beat in a timely manner). I still love the hell out of this game, and I always will.
The World Ends With You: This is the most recent, but it's earned it's spot. This game is the reason why I had screen protectors on my DS, and one of the few RPGs that made me actually wonder what the hell was happening. The story has some interesting metaphysical stuff going on, hooky music, and a unique combat system that will keep you frantically scratching at your screen until you finally get off a huge (two screens!) cinematic uber-death-fest attack with the two characters you're controlling independently working together. If that run-on sentence didn't sell you, consider that you're doing everything based entirely on collectible pins. The game's cool.
Starcraft: The RTS that's inspired most games since then. A lot of my friends play Warhammer 4000, but in many cases Starcraft was the game that got them into real time strategy in the first place. Personally, I started on the original Warcraft, but that's another story. Starcraft is probably the best balanced RTS that I've ever seen, and has enormous replay value. The game has changed competitively over time too, giving greater player interaction. The strategies I used five years ago (this game's expansion came out in 1999) no longer apply in online play. I was destroyed last time I played online in ways I didn't realize I could lose against. Another case of Blizzard pushing digital drugs onto an unsuspecting population.
Pokemon Blue: My little brother got Red, so I got Blue. As time went on I also got Yellow, Silver, Gold (Japanese) and "borrowed" his copy of Crystal. After that I didn't have a portable until the DS, and I'm waiting for Soul Silver for this generation. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, you should really pay more attention to pop culture phenomena.
I was absolutely obsessed with the original Pokemon games. I had 149 at one point, but the save was erased. I had a notebook dedicated entirely to being my personal "Pokedex." I had hand-drawn pictures of each pokemon in there. Looking back I was pathetic, but it was much better than going out and discovering how to knock girls up like other kids in my catholic school were. I suppose being a geek has it's perks.
MediEvil: You play an animate corpse. You were painted by history as a hero, when in reality you were killed by the first arrow in the first volley, shot through the eye. You've been brought back to set your place right, kill an evil sorcerer, and save the people of a country you only have a loose connection to anymore. The game is amazing, and has a lot of quirky humor to the writing. It's a must-play for any PlayStation owner/ePSXe user. I think it's available for the PSP now, go play it.
Bushido Blade: A lot of people didn't like this game when it came out. Then again, a lot of people are fucking morons. Bushido Blade is one of the most realistic fighting games to ever exist, and I believe the best. There is no life bar, there are no super attacks and bullshit moves. Everything they do is based on swordplay, set styles, and the character builds. If you are stabbed in the head, you die. If you get slashed across a main artery, you die. If you deflect or there is a poor connection, you don't take serious damage. If your legs get bashed with a sledge hammer (yes, it's a playable weapon), you have to fight on your knees/crawling. There was a sequel, but it didn't do the series justice. It should be as enduring as Street Fighter and Tekken, but instead it's lost in the annals of the PlayStation back-catalog. If you've ever considered playing with a sword ever, you should play this game.
I've got a bunch. Most reflect various times in my life, but all are amazing games that you should play.
Without any order, my 11 favorite games:
Diablo II: This game is so good that I've recently put it back on my computer. The expansion pack (the only real way to have a complete game) came out in 2001. While it's somewhat pixelated compared to most modern games for the PC, it's aged much better than most games in it's time. I blame Blizzard, since they engineer electronic crack on a level beyond normal human consumption. The game is addictive, has extremely high replay value, and was in many ways a dark humor piece. If you read my blog, then you know I'm all over that kind of stuff.
Final Fantasy VII: My first major RPG is still one of my most memorable. I'm not as rabid a fanatic as many other fans of FFVII, but I do defend it for what it's worth. The graphics have aged like raw meat, story is full of holes, the main character is a stereotype for "generic-stoic-swordsman" that many RPGs have adopted since, and the game takes forever. That said, the graphics were amazing when it came out, the story (holes and all) is quite engaging, the characters are better developed than most video games (even if some are cheesy grabs at niche audiences), and the huge amount of play time only keeps you coming back. On top of all this, the music is fantastic.
Katamari Damacy: An art game, a stoner's daydream, a statement about consumerism - all are applicable labels for Katamari Damacy. The gameplay is simple and addictive (if you can push a ball, you can play this game). Plot synopsis: Your father - God - gets drunk and smashes all the stars in the sky. As his son, it's your job to fix it while he makes fun of you. You do this by taking a self contained quantum singularity and pushing it around on earth against objects. The ball gets bigger as you absorb objects. When it's big enough, your father turns it into a star. All the while he tells you it's tiny, because you are tiny, because he doesn't remember you're his kid in the later games. What a fucked up family.
Gex: Enter the Gecko: This is a sequel to another game I adore, but I remember this one much better. That just means that this one ate my life in late grade school and the beginning of high school. You play a Gecko that was sucked into the dimension of television to fight some metallic asshole that wants to kill you. As you play, you go through many popular movie genres and change costumes as you do. You use your tongue and tail (mostly for terrible puns) while you solve puzzles and die frequently. It made me very happy when I was younger, though when I look back I don't see as much appeal in this sequel as I did in the original. Still worth playing, but perhaps not as much as others on this list.
Gunbound: Oh Jesus. This game ate most of my senior year. That's not a bad thing though, there was a large group of my friends in this game as well. Ten or twelve of us would talk about it mostly in class, then go home and kick each others asses when we got in. It was a lot of fun, until people started hacking it and the host changed formats to only support Internet Explorer. The gist of it is that you're a kid in a tank/on an animal/riding a hovercraft/etc that has to kill everyone else on their vehicles by shooting at odd angles and compensating for the wind. It's very Korean-anime style, and cutesy for it. The game had some really hardcore players though. Worth the time if you're an IE user.
Gunstar Heroes: Best Genesis game ever. It's available on the Wii's Virtual Console. Go buy it if you can. There's some kind of rescue plot to save the world or some bullshit like that, but no one cares. The graphics were very polished, the gameplay was an addictive shooter/action (like Contra, but better. No, I didn't just blaspheme. It's truth), the music was catchy and well constructed, and the two-player mode was just as much fun as single player (the game is very difficult for only one person to beat in a timely manner). I still love the hell out of this game, and I always will.
The World Ends With You: This is the most recent, but it's earned it's spot. This game is the reason why I had screen protectors on my DS, and one of the few RPGs that made me actually wonder what the hell was happening. The story has some interesting metaphysical stuff going on, hooky music, and a unique combat system that will keep you frantically scratching at your screen until you finally get off a huge (two screens!) cinematic uber-death-fest attack with the two characters you're controlling independently working together. If that run-on sentence didn't sell you, consider that you're doing everything based entirely on collectible pins. The game's cool.
Starcraft: The RTS that's inspired most games since then. A lot of my friends play Warhammer 4000, but in many cases Starcraft was the game that got them into real time strategy in the first place. Personally, I started on the original Warcraft, but that's another story. Starcraft is probably the best balanced RTS that I've ever seen, and has enormous replay value. The game has changed competitively over time too, giving greater player interaction. The strategies I used five years ago (this game's expansion came out in 1999) no longer apply in online play. I was destroyed last time I played online in ways I didn't realize I could lose against. Another case of Blizzard pushing digital drugs onto an unsuspecting population.
Pokemon Blue: My little brother got Red, so I got Blue. As time went on I also got Yellow, Silver, Gold (Japanese) and "borrowed" his copy of Crystal. After that I didn't have a portable until the DS, and I'm waiting for Soul Silver for this generation. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, you should really pay more attention to pop culture phenomena.
I was absolutely obsessed with the original Pokemon games. I had 149 at one point, but the save was erased. I had a notebook dedicated entirely to being my personal "Pokedex." I had hand-drawn pictures of each pokemon in there. Looking back I was pathetic, but it was much better than going out and discovering how to knock girls up like other kids in my catholic school were. I suppose being a geek has it's perks.
MediEvil: You play an animate corpse. You were painted by history as a hero, when in reality you were killed by the first arrow in the first volley, shot through the eye. You've been brought back to set your place right, kill an evil sorcerer, and save the people of a country you only have a loose connection to anymore. The game is amazing, and has a lot of quirky humor to the writing. It's a must-play for any PlayStation owner/ePSXe user. I think it's available for the PSP now, go play it.
Bushido Blade: A lot of people didn't like this game when it came out. Then again, a lot of people are fucking morons. Bushido Blade is one of the most realistic fighting games to ever exist, and I believe the best. There is no life bar, there are no super attacks and bullshit moves. Everything they do is based on swordplay, set styles, and the character builds. If you are stabbed in the head, you die. If you get slashed across a main artery, you die. If you deflect or there is a poor connection, you don't take serious damage. If your legs get bashed with a sledge hammer (yes, it's a playable weapon), you have to fight on your knees/crawling. There was a sequel, but it didn't do the series justice. It should be as enduring as Street Fighter and Tekken, but instead it's lost in the annals of the PlayStation back-catalog. If you've ever considered playing with a sword ever, you should play this game.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Hello reader. I'd like to play a game.
I'm playing a game. I'll write a list of things, where each word previously will lead into the next one. A concept or object, whatever the case may be. Each line will be linked to the previous one in some way. It'll be fun.
Things I Like:
Graphic novels as a literary medium
Reading in general
Video games
Board games
Card games
Folk music
Progressive rock
Electronica
Instrumental classical
Alternative metal
Live concerts and readings
Hacky-sack
Trees and flower gardens
Forests
Magic: The Gathering
Collecting things
Sarcastic action movies
Sin City
Inglourious Basterds
Quinten Tarantino
Well written dialogue
Superbad
Coming of age narratives
Innocent love
Tempered love
Self-resolving conflicts
Philosophy
Public speaking
Social settings
New friends
Intelligent conversations
Freedom of speech
The CBLDF
I'll cut it off there for this list.
It's a fun game, but it can tell you a lot about yourself based on what the answers are. I'd have something more substantial to write, but honestly I'm too tired tonight to give something meaty. I'll post a make-up tomorrow.
Things I Like:
Graphic novels as a literary medium
Reading in general
Video games
Board games
Card games
Folk music
Progressive rock
Electronica
Instrumental classical
Alternative metal
Live concerts and readings
Hacky-sack
Trees and flower gardens
Forests
Magic: The Gathering
Collecting things
Sarcastic action movies
Sin City
Inglourious Basterds
Quinten Tarantino
Well written dialogue
Superbad
Coming of age narratives
Innocent love
Tempered love
Self-resolving conflicts
Philosophy
Public speaking
Social settings
New friends
Intelligent conversations
Freedom of speech
The CBLDF
I'll cut it off there for this list.
It's a fun game, but it can tell you a lot about yourself based on what the answers are. I'd have something more substantial to write, but honestly I'm too tired tonight to give something meaty. I'll post a make-up tomorrow.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Fifty posts and four months later...
In October I was worried that I wouldn't keep this blog up. I feared it would go by the wayside like all the other attempts at a journal, and would eventually get dug up a few years later and start a new cycle of writing and abandonment.
While there's always a looming chance of things like that happening - life is rapidly trying to eat all available time, including this - it doesn't look like it's any time in the near future.
Today we celebrate. I now give a gift of my twelve favorite posts of the last four months, and why I love them so. Not that I don't like all of my writing (which is true for all writers, including egotistical ones), but certain posts stand out more to me. In no particular order:
Halloween - I've been meaning to say a few things about specific holidays for a while now, and Halloween (while one of my favorites) is not exempt from criticism. Really though, it's not the holiday's fault. It's the immaturity inherent in people trying to get laid.
Why I Hate the Yankees - They have it coming to them.
Why I hate the MTA (Part 3) - If I had not written this blog, I would not have decided to calculate the times... and discover the amazing inconsistency, leading me to believe that the Metropolitan Transportation Authority has some sort of time vortex installed under the Staten Island Ferry terminal.
Politics are for Smart People - Also known as "Examples of why I feel abortion should be an option."
Make Friends with (better) Grammar - This is a pet peeve as a Writing major. Sometimes grammar and I don't get along very well for stylistic reasons, but in most cases it's my BEST FRIEND. It should be EVERYONE ELSE'S TOO.
Ten Disney Villains that are Awesome - Disney Animated Classics are simultaneously over and underrated. The villains never get enough love, and the heroes are usually generic pussies. Sadly, villains besides Darth Vader don't sell.
Sackboy Just Shot Master Chief in the Face - I will always be a child of the platforming era.
Nature of Attraction - I learn a lot of things when acting the shrink for my friends. Huzzah for observations!
"She thinks she missed the train to Mars, she's out back counting stars." - Awesome song to describe senility. Incidentally, planning for one's own Midlife crisis was a fun idea that sparked interesting conversation after publishing. I want more like this down the line.
Seven Year Snapshot - Possibly a spark to that midlife crisis. Also, better for me in sentiment than most others.
Voyeurism Doesn't Work in Society - A request for all to be good people. I know it's not for everyone, but it should be for most people.
Nothing. - Literally, nothing. But that's within this month, and you probably remember that already.
It's a minor celebration, like a couple celebrating being together for nine months. Outside of someone getting knocked up, it's not all that amazing a feat. A month? Six? A year? All landmarks for a new couple, in small ways.
I celebrate now because no one should ever need a reason to celebrate. Life will only last so long. Why not celebrate that you have it?
While there's always a looming chance of things like that happening - life is rapidly trying to eat all available time, including this - it doesn't look like it's any time in the near future.
Today we celebrate. I now give a gift of my twelve favorite posts of the last four months, and why I love them so. Not that I don't like all of my writing (which is true for all writers, including egotistical ones), but certain posts stand out more to me. In no particular order:
Halloween - I've been meaning to say a few things about specific holidays for a while now, and Halloween (while one of my favorites) is not exempt from criticism. Really though, it's not the holiday's fault. It's the immaturity inherent in people trying to get laid.
Why I Hate the Yankees - They have it coming to them.
Why I hate the MTA (Part 3) - If I had not written this blog, I would not have decided to calculate the times... and discover the amazing inconsistency, leading me to believe that the Metropolitan Transportation Authority has some sort of time vortex installed under the Staten Island Ferry terminal.
Politics are for Smart People - Also known as "Examples of why I feel abortion should be an option."
Make Friends with (better) Grammar - This is a pet peeve as a Writing major. Sometimes grammar and I don't get along very well for stylistic reasons, but in most cases it's my BEST FRIEND. It should be EVERYONE ELSE'S TOO.
Ten Disney Villains that are Awesome - Disney Animated Classics are simultaneously over and underrated. The villains never get enough love, and the heroes are usually generic pussies. Sadly, villains besides Darth Vader don't sell.
Sackboy Just Shot Master Chief in the Face - I will always be a child of the platforming era.
Nature of Attraction - I learn a lot of things when acting the shrink for my friends. Huzzah for observations!
"She thinks she missed the train to Mars, she's out back counting stars." - Awesome song to describe senility. Incidentally, planning for one's own Midlife crisis was a fun idea that sparked interesting conversation after publishing. I want more like this down the line.
Seven Year Snapshot - Possibly a spark to that midlife crisis. Also, better for me in sentiment than most others.
Voyeurism Doesn't Work in Society - A request for all to be good people. I know it's not for everyone, but it should be for most people.
Nothing. - Literally, nothing. But that's within this month, and you probably remember that already.
It's a minor celebration, like a couple celebrating being together for nine months. Outside of someone getting knocked up, it's not all that amazing a feat. A month? Six? A year? All landmarks for a new couple, in small ways.
I celebrate now because no one should ever need a reason to celebrate. Life will only last so long. Why not celebrate that you have it?
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Interactive Art?
Don't mind me, I'm on a video game kick of late.
Whether or not video game design is considered an art form has been debated many times over by geeks like me, and I still hold that in some cases it might be. Ultimately as a whole video games cannot be considered an art, no matter how artistic some are, but in time certain franchises (occasionally from the start) become works of art in the design, rather than just the visual representations they have. Unfortunately it's very difficult to determine which games fall into this category, since most exist solely to make money. In other cases, game franchises that previously held artistic integrity may have lost it as it became a franchise, rather than just a game.
Katamari Damacy (only the first, and maybe the second, We <3 Katamari) is an example of an art game, as the entire game was an experimental statement about consumerism. The game play is essentially rolling up a snowman with two analog sticks. The concept was probably written in an acid trip, and the soundtrack was a very varied electronica-cumshot that was mostly loosely self referential. The visuals were made boxy and overly simplified, almost like Lego mockeries of reality.
The short of the story is that your father is God, who gets drunk one night and smashes all the stars in the sky. As his son, you need to fix it while he belittles you. You do this with the help of a spherical self contained quantum singularity. This mini-black hole will cling to any object smaller than itself, growing bigger while you push it around the earth. Once it's big enough, your father turns it into a star.
As the series went on, it seemed like it was making more fun of itself. In the second game your father realizes the popularity of the first game, and forces you to keep rolling shit up into your gravity-ball so he can keep his fan base. This would've been a fitting end to the series, since the game was better designed than the first. It also featured a long time endurance level, in which you need to roll up one million roses.
The series didn't stop. No more were made for the PS2, but instead ported to many other systems that could better handle the visuals. Why? Namco got greedy. Beautiful Katamari (Xbox 360), Katamari Forever (PS3), Me and My Katamari (PSP), I Love Katamari (iShit), and an only loosely related Tetris-like game has been released for the DSi in Japan rounds out the list of other games in this series. This franchise has only been out since 2004. 7 games in 6 years. From a game that was supposed to be a stand alone. It's become a parody of it's original message.
I don't love the franchise any less now, but it is no longer art.
In contrast, the Nintendo DSi Art Style series might actually fall into the category it's named after, or at least Art Style: Aquia does.
Art Style is a series of puzzle games built to milk the DSi for it's crisp visuals and simple design, and each game is a $5.00 download. There are seven now, making it a $35.00 series to own. I haven't played them all, or even most of them. Aquia is the only one I own, but the game was worth the download.
Aquia places you as a diver going deep under water to discover new breeds of fish. As you do so, you fight off the darkness inherent in deep sea diving and try not to black out from lack of oxygen. You keep this diver alive by moving colored squares into lines of 3 or more with a slider. This slider only moves from left to right. If you clear more than one line in a chain reaction, you get more air. If you don't clear lines fast enough, your screen transitions to black and you lose.
At first, the music is supplied by your slider and actions. All movements in each level are tied to a set key, and give random sounds in that key as you clear your lines. As you dive deeper the level music raises in volume, and by the end you can hear some pretty thumpin' tunes from each level of difficulty. All sound cuts out as you get closer to death as well, replaced by an ominous beep that happens between silence.
What's nice about the Art Style series is that none of the games are related outside of production house and name. Every game in this series is made to have nothing to do with one another, from game play to audio to rewards. Each represents itself.
What makes this (possibly) art is the level of simplicity that exists in such an avant garde exterior. It's layered enough to care about if you're the kind of geek that likes to analyze puzzle games (like me), but simple enough where you won't need to. It's addictive enough to eat hours harmlessly, but not in the harmful way like World of Warcraft or any strategy game.
This was going to be a list, but I don't really have time to give this kind of detail to everything I'd want to list. Here's one anyway, I might reference it again down the line.
Katamari Damacy
Art Style: Aquia
The Sims
Portal
Postal
Tetris
LSD (that's what the game was actually called)
Final Fantasy X
An honorable mention is Little Big Planet. In itself it is not art, though it is very artistic. It's beautiful, and the music is wonderful, but stripped away it's just a customizable platformer.
Whether or not video game design is considered an art form has been debated many times over by geeks like me, and I still hold that in some cases it might be. Ultimately as a whole video games cannot be considered an art, no matter how artistic some are, but in time certain franchises (occasionally from the start) become works of art in the design, rather than just the visual representations they have. Unfortunately it's very difficult to determine which games fall into this category, since most exist solely to make money. In other cases, game franchises that previously held artistic integrity may have lost it as it became a franchise, rather than just a game.
Katamari Damacy (only the first, and maybe the second, We <3 Katamari) is an example of an art game, as the entire game was an experimental statement about consumerism. The game play is essentially rolling up a snowman with two analog sticks. The concept was probably written in an acid trip, and the soundtrack was a very varied electronica-cumshot that was mostly loosely self referential. The visuals were made boxy and overly simplified, almost like Lego mockeries of reality.
The short of the story is that your father is God, who gets drunk one night and smashes all the stars in the sky. As his son, you need to fix it while he belittles you. You do this with the help of a spherical self contained quantum singularity. This mini-black hole will cling to any object smaller than itself, growing bigger while you push it around the earth. Once it's big enough, your father turns it into a star.
As the series went on, it seemed like it was making more fun of itself. In the second game your father realizes the popularity of the first game, and forces you to keep rolling shit up into your gravity-ball so he can keep his fan base. This would've been a fitting end to the series, since the game was better designed than the first. It also featured a long time endurance level, in which you need to roll up one million roses.
The series didn't stop. No more were made for the PS2, but instead ported to many other systems that could better handle the visuals. Why? Namco got greedy. Beautiful Katamari (Xbox 360), Katamari Forever (PS3), Me and My Katamari (PSP), I Love Katamari (iShit), and an only loosely related Tetris-like game has been released for the DSi in Japan rounds out the list of other games in this series. This franchise has only been out since 2004. 7 games in 6 years. From a game that was supposed to be a stand alone. It's become a parody of it's original message.
I don't love the franchise any less now, but it is no longer art.
In contrast, the Nintendo DSi Art Style series might actually fall into the category it's named after, or at least Art Style: Aquia does.
Art Style is a series of puzzle games built to milk the DSi for it's crisp visuals and simple design, and each game is a $5.00 download. There are seven now, making it a $35.00 series to own. I haven't played them all, or even most of them. Aquia is the only one I own, but the game was worth the download.
Aquia places you as a diver going deep under water to discover new breeds of fish. As you do so, you fight off the darkness inherent in deep sea diving and try not to black out from lack of oxygen. You keep this diver alive by moving colored squares into lines of 3 or more with a slider. This slider only moves from left to right. If you clear more than one line in a chain reaction, you get more air. If you don't clear lines fast enough, your screen transitions to black and you lose.
At first, the music is supplied by your slider and actions. All movements in each level are tied to a set key, and give random sounds in that key as you clear your lines. As you dive deeper the level music raises in volume, and by the end you can hear some pretty thumpin' tunes from each level of difficulty. All sound cuts out as you get closer to death as well, replaced by an ominous beep that happens between silence.
What's nice about the Art Style series is that none of the games are related outside of production house and name. Every game in this series is made to have nothing to do with one another, from game play to audio to rewards. Each represents itself.
What makes this (possibly) art is the level of simplicity that exists in such an avant garde exterior. It's layered enough to care about if you're the kind of geek that likes to analyze puzzle games (like me), but simple enough where you won't need to. It's addictive enough to eat hours harmlessly, but not in the harmful way like World of Warcraft or any strategy game.
This was going to be a list, but I don't really have time to give this kind of detail to everything I'd want to list. Here's one anyway, I might reference it again down the line.
Katamari Damacy
Art Style: Aquia
The Sims
Portal
Postal
Tetris
LSD (that's what the game was actually called)
Final Fantasy X
An honorable mention is Little Big Planet. In itself it is not art, though it is very artistic. It's beautiful, and the music is wonderful, but stripped away it's just a customizable platformer.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Sackboy just shot Master Chief in the face.
I am bothered by the current state of video game design. This isn't anything important or life changing, but it does bother me as it is a representation of the number one entertainment industry (and still fastest growing) in the United States.
In years prior, there was to a limited extent diversity among games. One was just as likely to find an original action/adventure game on the shelves as they were a fighter, shooter, puzzle, or role playing game (RPG). This was a cross-system boon, and it made gaming more rich for it. With current gaming consoles, it seems that a huge divide exists between which consoles have which kinds of games.
As a child of the 90's that grew up with Genesis, Playstation, and PC games, I played a lot of action/adventure platform games. These were generally games that told a mostly linear story in which a character has to get from point A to point B. Said character will have a set of skills that they will use to overcome these obstacles, occasionally a few new ones will be given as the game goes on. Some were 3D from a third person prospective, some were 2D from a side view. All were fun.
I played others too, particularly on the PC. I wasted many, many hours of my life playing StarCraft and WarCraft, back when Blizzard had better things to do than push digital crack to a helpless population. Civilization II ate large bits of my free time as well, and all were amazing games. They put the player in a position where they need to work out a unique way to pass each scenario. While strategy guides exist, most are terrible. You, as the player, have to think more deeply.
I had RPGs I loved (mostly Final Fantasy and Pokemon games), some terrible fighters (Star Wars made a fighting game once. It was quite uninspired, and while it was bad, it was amazing for it. Mortal Kombat eventually turned into something similar), and lastly there were First Person Shooters.
I liked FPS' the least, and still do. I played GoldenEye on the Nintendo 64 at a friend's when I was young, and I owned a few of the old ID games (Doom II, Quake). I had a lot of these back then, but they were all PC games, and most were too terrible for serious play. Redneck Rampage was the most creative of them at the time, when you play a hick who gets drunk to shoot better and eats pork rinds to walk straight... fighting aliens. With machine guns built into breasts. The game was beyond fucked.
Games are still a big part of my life, but I don't personally own any of the current consoles. My brother has a Wii, my girlfriend has a PS3 now too, and one of the places I work uses all three current consoles extensively, but none personally. This is because I generally don't like FPS'.
Particularly for the PS3 (the technically best, most useful, and most stable of the three major consoles), most of the noteworthy games are either cross-system releases or first person shooters. With what the system is capable of, more should be done that doesn't involve pointing a gun at someone and jumping behind a rock so they can't do the same. The thing that saves it for me is Little Big Planet, which is possibly the best, most creative platformer that I've ever seen. I know it's a year or so old, but that doesn't change the fact that Sony seems to have focused too much on blood.
Microsoft is worse, but their system is prone to killing itself. The 360 probably knows it's only a box for people to release their bloody fetishes through and snaps after a while. I can't blame them for red rings.
The Wii (the technically weakest) system in the bunch has the best games right now, because Nintendo knows that if people love them, they'll keep giving them money. It's a good business practice, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't love them for it. Right now they're fixing my DSi for free under warranty. The games, however, are only notable because they aren't a constant barrage of bullets. The only official Nintendo FPS isn't even this mostly, as it focuses on situational puzzle solving rather than killing space-Nazis or zombies. Even then, Metroid didn't start out this way. It adapted in a way that Nintendo hoped would keep the fledgling FPS players endeared.
I can't say that most modern FPS' are bad either, which annoys me more. I can't even bash them, because Left 4 Dead and Borderlands are too good for me to put down. Portal might be the best game ever made. Even fucking Halo (first only) is a great game. How can I bash these things?
For the most part, because they're not creative. Few innovate heavily on anything, most regurgitate with minor tweaks that will be stolen and done better in the future by another game. At least with Little Big Planet they took an already bloated genre from the past and stripped it down to a character that's literally made of a burlap sack who can only really run, jump, and pull things. There's other stuff that happens as you go too, but in essence, Sackboy is the most basic character you can have.
Some fanboys will be angry at me for this, and point out all the games I've ignored to make my point. Sure, Metal Gear Solid 4 is the best rated PS3 game. It's an awesome movie. Street Fighter IV is also out and golden. That's awesome if you dig antiquated fighting systems that should've been done away with when Bushido Blade introduced the "You get stabbed in the neck, you die," mechanic rather than a life bar, back in 1998. Final Fantasy XIII and Kingdom Hearts III will soon be out for the PS3 too. JRPG's aren't everyone's bag (see Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw).
I want to upgrade, badly. But without the ability to play all the old PS2 games, there's no point. I would buy a system for a small handful of games and online rehashes of games better than all the new FPS'.
Little Big Planet
Katamari Forever
Metal Gear Solid 4
Final Fantasy XIII
Borderlands
Arkham Asylum
Dante's Inferno
Demon's Souls (maybe)
Rock Band
Little Big Planet alone might be enough to sell me a system down the line if I ever decide, or when I have no choice but to switch to Blue-Ray. But after three years, I'd hoped there'd be more. Maybe a Spyro game that didn't suck, or something that innovates as much as Little Big Planet and Katamari Damacy did when they came out. Give me a new Bushido Blade. Something less stale than most of the "Point and Shoot" pieces of shit.
In years prior, there was to a limited extent diversity among games. One was just as likely to find an original action/adventure game on the shelves as they were a fighter, shooter, puzzle, or role playing game (RPG). This was a cross-system boon, and it made gaming more rich for it. With current gaming consoles, it seems that a huge divide exists between which consoles have which kinds of games.
As a child of the 90's that grew up with Genesis, Playstation, and PC games, I played a lot of action/adventure platform games. These were generally games that told a mostly linear story in which a character has to get from point A to point B. Said character will have a set of skills that they will use to overcome these obstacles, occasionally a few new ones will be given as the game goes on. Some were 3D from a third person prospective, some were 2D from a side view. All were fun.
I played others too, particularly on the PC. I wasted many, many hours of my life playing StarCraft and WarCraft, back when Blizzard had better things to do than push digital crack to a helpless population. Civilization II ate large bits of my free time as well, and all were amazing games. They put the player in a position where they need to work out a unique way to pass each scenario. While strategy guides exist, most are terrible. You, as the player, have to think more deeply.
I had RPGs I loved (mostly Final Fantasy and Pokemon games), some terrible fighters (Star Wars made a fighting game once. It was quite uninspired, and while it was bad, it was amazing for it. Mortal Kombat eventually turned into something similar), and lastly there were First Person Shooters.
I liked FPS' the least, and still do. I played GoldenEye on the Nintendo 64 at a friend's when I was young, and I owned a few of the old ID games (Doom II, Quake). I had a lot of these back then, but they were all PC games, and most were too terrible for serious play. Redneck Rampage was the most creative of them at the time, when you play a hick who gets drunk to shoot better and eats pork rinds to walk straight... fighting aliens. With machine guns built into breasts. The game was beyond fucked.
Games are still a big part of my life, but I don't personally own any of the current consoles. My brother has a Wii, my girlfriend has a PS3 now too, and one of the places I work uses all three current consoles extensively, but none personally. This is because I generally don't like FPS'.
Particularly for the PS3 (the technically best, most useful, and most stable of the three major consoles), most of the noteworthy games are either cross-system releases or first person shooters. With what the system is capable of, more should be done that doesn't involve pointing a gun at someone and jumping behind a rock so they can't do the same. The thing that saves it for me is Little Big Planet, which is possibly the best, most creative platformer that I've ever seen. I know it's a year or so old, but that doesn't change the fact that Sony seems to have focused too much on blood.
Microsoft is worse, but their system is prone to killing itself. The 360 probably knows it's only a box for people to release their bloody fetishes through and snaps after a while. I can't blame them for red rings.
The Wii (the technically weakest) system in the bunch has the best games right now, because Nintendo knows that if people love them, they'll keep giving them money. It's a good business practice, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't love them for it. Right now they're fixing my DSi for free under warranty. The games, however, are only notable because they aren't a constant barrage of bullets. The only official Nintendo FPS isn't even this mostly, as it focuses on situational puzzle solving rather than killing space-Nazis or zombies. Even then, Metroid didn't start out this way. It adapted in a way that Nintendo hoped would keep the fledgling FPS players endeared.
I can't say that most modern FPS' are bad either, which annoys me more. I can't even bash them, because Left 4 Dead and Borderlands are too good for me to put down. Portal might be the best game ever made. Even fucking Halo (first only) is a great game. How can I bash these things?
For the most part, because they're not creative. Few innovate heavily on anything, most regurgitate with minor tweaks that will be stolen and done better in the future by another game. At least with Little Big Planet they took an already bloated genre from the past and stripped it down to a character that's literally made of a burlap sack who can only really run, jump, and pull things. There's other stuff that happens as you go too, but in essence, Sackboy is the most basic character you can have.
Some fanboys will be angry at me for this, and point out all the games I've ignored to make my point. Sure, Metal Gear Solid 4 is the best rated PS3 game. It's an awesome movie. Street Fighter IV is also out and golden. That's awesome if you dig antiquated fighting systems that should've been done away with when Bushido Blade introduced the "You get stabbed in the neck, you die," mechanic rather than a life bar, back in 1998. Final Fantasy XIII and Kingdom Hearts III will soon be out for the PS3 too. JRPG's aren't everyone's bag (see Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw).
I want to upgrade, badly. But without the ability to play all the old PS2 games, there's no point. I would buy a system for a small handful of games and online rehashes of games better than all the new FPS'.
Little Big Planet
Katamari Forever
Metal Gear Solid 4
Final Fantasy XIII
Borderlands
Arkham Asylum
Dante's Inferno
Demon's Souls (maybe)
Rock Band
Little Big Planet alone might be enough to sell me a system down the line if I ever decide, or when I have no choice but to switch to Blue-Ray. But after three years, I'd hoped there'd be more. Maybe a Spyro game that didn't suck, or something that innovates as much as Little Big Planet and Katamari Damacy did when they came out. Give me a new Bushido Blade. Something less stale than most of the "Point and Shoot" pieces of shit.
Monday, December 28, 2009
I MADE YOU A PLAYLIST. BECAUSE I <3 YOU.
An awesome Christmas gift (Zune) made me realize how out of touch I am with my music - and as such, my past. It's been years since I listened to some of the bands and albums that I found when I plugged this bad boy in, and in other cases disks I ripped in response to this device. Because of this, and since it's the season for giving, I give lists. Santa has a few of them, and he doesn't even exist. You deserve some too.
So in alphabetical order of artist, here's the top nine songs on my Zune right now and why you should listen to them if you haven't yet.
"Astronaut: A Short History of Nearly Nothing" by Amanda Palmer
Amanda Palmer is a hero of mine. She is a representation of what it means to love your art more than anything else, making music that is deeply personal while still being enjoyable by a wider audience. This song is one of my favorites from her solo career, even if a first time listener only has a vague idea of what the fuck is happening in it. Beautiful piano work and melodies.
"She's Leaving Home" by The Beatles
If you don't know the Beatles, you should probably consider ritual suicide. This particular song is a lesser known cut from Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band. It's got amazing string work and it tells a sad, touching story about a girl growing up and moving on with her life.
"JENOVA Celestial" by bLiNd
J-E-N-O-V-A is from a Final Fantasy game. The original track was pretty sick for a MIDI song, and this is a nice dance version with a fat bass thump and a solid clutch on the original melody. This one also cuts the repetition of the original song, which is barely noticed when you're getting your ass handed to you by a recurring boss.
"Fa-fa-fa" by Datarock
I had no idea what the hell this was when it came on. At first I thought it was a surprise song from my amazing girlfriend (who is responsible for the Zune in the first place), but she knows nothing of it. I guess Microsoft did something cool on their own. I dig this, even if it's somewhat ADD in its key changes between chorus and verse and shift in genres.
"The Pharaoh Sails to Orion" by Nightwish
A friend of mine introduced Nightwish to me in high school, and I fell in love immediately. Really, I could've picked any song at random from their discography and it would've been equally good. This one, however, has a heavy, thrashy base with a piano melody played to contrast the guitars. The male vocals are obnoxious, and I kind of hate them, but they're very minor in this jam. Usually it's almost entirely a female singer with an operatic voice (or in the new album, a first soprano without any operatic training, but a younger sounding tone). Incidentally, both singers in this song are no longer part of the band. Sadness. Oh, and a very strange quasi-Egyptian breakdown.
"Audience of One" by Rise Against
This song is all personal nostalgia from the singer directed towards someone specific, but it feels like he's singing it to you. It almost makes you want to give him a hug. It's also a coming of age story through song though, and perhaps I'm just a sucker for that kind of crap. The rest of the album/discography/band is awesome, but this one has been striking a chord in me recently. Maybe I'm just getting old, and liking punk that talks about it.
"Know" by System of a Down
Also from high school for me. I had a minor obsession with System of a Down for a long time, in small part because a girlfriend of mine was also obsessed. Even if I didn't date her I'd've loved them though. This song has a powerful drum intro with a crunchy chug to go through the rest of the song. It's a nice representation of what the band's energy really is. It also shows the Middle-Eastern cultural influence in the music a little more than other songs, and it's a nice blend that wouldn't normally be noticed in modern music in the West.
"Poem" by Taproot
I've had a soft spot for Taproot for a long time. I didn't notice that the first album was mostly out of key when I started with them, I just liked the style of writing. On this album they fixed these issues of staying in some kind of tone, and this song is about integrity through creativity. Uplifting without pussing out.
"Ocean Avenue" by Yellowcard
This song is one of the best written pop songs ever. Period. It's the only thing I feel they've ever done right, but it's almost perfect. The album was worth buying for this song, even if the rest of it was disappointing. Still a coming of age narrative, but also a love song with a fantastic hook PLAYED BY A VIOLIN. Beat that. This will always be one of my favorite songs, even if I will otherwise bash the band to hell. They did this one thing that was amazing enough to note, and I will always respect them more than most other one hit wonders.
Why is there no Coheed on this list? Because I love them too much to include them. Four albums worth of music means that this list turns into 7 Coheed songs, "Ocean Ave." and "Astronaut." That wouldn't be fair to anyone else who kicks ass either.
So in alphabetical order of artist, here's the top nine songs on my Zune right now and why you should listen to them if you haven't yet.
"Astronaut: A Short History of Nearly Nothing" by Amanda Palmer
Amanda Palmer is a hero of mine. She is a representation of what it means to love your art more than anything else, making music that is deeply personal while still being enjoyable by a wider audience. This song is one of my favorites from her solo career, even if a first time listener only has a vague idea of what the fuck is happening in it. Beautiful piano work and melodies.
"She's Leaving Home" by The Beatles
If you don't know the Beatles, you should probably consider ritual suicide. This particular song is a lesser known cut from Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band. It's got amazing string work and it tells a sad, touching story about a girl growing up and moving on with her life.
"JENOVA Celestial" by bLiNd
J-E-N-O-V-A is from a Final Fantasy game. The original track was pretty sick for a MIDI song, and this is a nice dance version with a fat bass thump and a solid clutch on the original melody. This one also cuts the repetition of the original song, which is barely noticed when you're getting your ass handed to you by a recurring boss.
"Fa-fa-fa" by Datarock
I had no idea what the hell this was when it came on. At first I thought it was a surprise song from my amazing girlfriend (who is responsible for the Zune in the first place), but she knows nothing of it. I guess Microsoft did something cool on their own. I dig this, even if it's somewhat ADD in its key changes between chorus and verse and shift in genres.
"The Pharaoh Sails to Orion" by Nightwish
A friend of mine introduced Nightwish to me in high school, and I fell in love immediately. Really, I could've picked any song at random from their discography and it would've been equally good. This one, however, has a heavy, thrashy base with a piano melody played to contrast the guitars. The male vocals are obnoxious, and I kind of hate them, but they're very minor in this jam. Usually it's almost entirely a female singer with an operatic voice (or in the new album, a first soprano without any operatic training, but a younger sounding tone). Incidentally, both singers in this song are no longer part of the band. Sadness. Oh, and a very strange quasi-Egyptian breakdown.
"Audience of One" by Rise Against
This song is all personal nostalgia from the singer directed towards someone specific, but it feels like he's singing it to you. It almost makes you want to give him a hug. It's also a coming of age story through song though, and perhaps I'm just a sucker for that kind of crap. The rest of the album/discography/band is awesome, but this one has been striking a chord in me recently. Maybe I'm just getting old, and liking punk that talks about it.
"Know" by System of a Down
Also from high school for me. I had a minor obsession with System of a Down for a long time, in small part because a girlfriend of mine was also obsessed. Even if I didn't date her I'd've loved them though. This song has a powerful drum intro with a crunchy chug to go through the rest of the song. It's a nice representation of what the band's energy really is. It also shows the Middle-Eastern cultural influence in the music a little more than other songs, and it's a nice blend that wouldn't normally be noticed in modern music in the West.
"Poem" by Taproot
I've had a soft spot for Taproot for a long time. I didn't notice that the first album was mostly out of key when I started with them, I just liked the style of writing. On this album they fixed these issues of staying in some kind of tone, and this song is about integrity through creativity. Uplifting without pussing out.
"Ocean Avenue" by Yellowcard
This song is one of the best written pop songs ever. Period. It's the only thing I feel they've ever done right, but it's almost perfect. The album was worth buying for this song, even if the rest of it was disappointing. Still a coming of age narrative, but also a love song with a fantastic hook PLAYED BY A VIOLIN. Beat that. This will always be one of my favorite songs, even if I will otherwise bash the band to hell. They did this one thing that was amazing enough to note, and I will always respect them more than most other one hit wonders.
Why is there no Coheed on this list? Because I love them too much to include them. Four albums worth of music means that this list turns into 7 Coheed songs, "Ocean Ave." and "Astronaut." That wouldn't be fair to anyone else who kicks ass either.
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Ten Disney Villains that are Awesome.
In alphabetical order, these are my ten favorite Disney villains from the "Animated Classics."
Chernabog - Fantasia made me very happy when I was a child... except for Night on Bald Mountain. You probably don't recognize the name of this character. He was originally annotated as Satan. He controls restless souls and is enormous. He opens hell and throws them in. His name is even taken from a pagan night god. This is no regular character, and now that I'm old enough not to wet myself when I watch this part, he's my favorite villain.
Cruella de Vil - When your name is derived from "cruel" and "devil," you know you're going to have problems. She must've changed her name legally when she grew up, I'm pretty sure no loving parent would ever name their child "Cruella." However, if my parents named me like this, I'd probably be an evil hag that kills puppies and hates jazz too. The very first time she's referenced reinforces the image: "Oh Pongo, It's that devil woman." 101 Dalmatians had a pretty awesome villain.
Dr. Falicier - The newest BAMF is one of the best, but he's written that way on purpose. Princess and the Frog is all about working hard to get the American dream. Falicier is all about conning others and making debts to get what you want. In a way, he's a mirror for the recent economic collapse. When you take out too many favors from your "friends," eventually they will reclaim what you've taken. Only difference is that this one's voodoo and not cash. Oh, he pulls a Chernabog with his shadows, which is also pretty fucking cool.
Gantu - Lilo and Stitch is one of my favorite Disney movies, but it didn't really have a villain. Stitch was one for a while, but that changed. Jumba Jookiba wasn't really evil, just insane (sometimes bordering on retarded). Gantu is the closest thing to a villain that Lilo and Stitch had, but that's okay. I like that he's just there to be a douche, without really being overbearing. I like that he's only doing his job, even if it is usually unethical. I like that he's the everyman of villainy, like the gang member rather than the Adolf Hitler.
Hades - Suave! Sarcastic! On fire! I hated Hercules for the most part, but I loved the villains. The Hydra is only absent from this list because it dies like a bitch. I wanted Hades to win so badly, based on his charisma entirely. If he wasn't so cool, then I would've hated the movie. He made it not only watchable, but enjoyable. I suppose there are perks to being the god of Death.
Headless Horseman - Long before you were born, Disney took the crap shot and made a series of several completely unrelated sequences lumped together as films. Most of these were somewhat terrible, but two are memorable. The Three Caballeros had no villain, and looking back, really wasn't all that special (just memorable). The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad, however, took an American folk story and some other thing that no one cared about, and made a movie. The Headless Horseman has been done many other times in many other ways since, but this is the best version of him. No one cares about his back story, or why he kills people. All that matters is that he's an evil ghost that will royally mess you up if you get too close to his land.
Jafar - Contrary to popular belief, Aladdin's villain might not have been Jafar, but the Genie. However, as Robin Williams is incapable of playing a villain very well, it never really shows. Jonathan Freeman, however, plays a mean motherfucker. He uses hypnosis, dark transformation magic, fire, and an annoying fucking bird named after the best villain of all time. On top of all that, he's so evil that he doesn't need a song to himself (Disney's version of a soliloquy) to explain how evil he is.
Rattigan - You probably didn't watch The Great Mouse Detective. Go do it now. This will still be here.
Done? Good. I probably don't really need to describe him now. Voiced by Vincent Price, kills naysayers by throwing them to his raincor (a cat named Felicia), and likes robots. That's awesome. "Even meaner? You mean it? Even worse than the widows and orphans you drowned?" His song says it all.
Scar - Yay for Hamlet! The Lion King is a great movie for English majors, and Scar is evidence that someone can be both a "muscle man" and a "peter pan." He wasn't some dumb shit that was afraid to get his paws dirty, he killed his brother personally, stole the kingdom, and ran it into the ground. He's got a song, so he's not quite as evil as Jafar, but he is much more successful.
The Coachman - Pinocchio, much like The Princess and the Frog, is a film about working hard to get what you want... except that it's more realistic in the sense that the world is full of assholes that will detract from it. There are half a dozen characters that can be villains. Stromboli is a cruel, greedy, violent fat ass. Honest John is a greedy, murderous crook. Monstro's a fucking whale that eats families. Lampwick is the kind of kid that everyone wants to slap in the face. "Coachman" is easily the most evil of the bastards in this. He uses the dark magic of being a little shit to turn children into "jackasses." That's pretty evil.
So that's that. Disagree? Lemme know. Agree? We can revel in the badassery of Disney's villains.
Chernabog - Fantasia made me very happy when I was a child... except for Night on Bald Mountain. You probably don't recognize the name of this character. He was originally annotated as Satan. He controls restless souls and is enormous. He opens hell and throws them in. His name is even taken from a pagan night god. This is no regular character, and now that I'm old enough not to wet myself when I watch this part, he's my favorite villain.
Cruella de Vil - When your name is derived from "cruel" and "devil," you know you're going to have problems. She must've changed her name legally when she grew up, I'm pretty sure no loving parent would ever name their child "Cruella." However, if my parents named me like this, I'd probably be an evil hag that kills puppies and hates jazz too. The very first time she's referenced reinforces the image: "Oh Pongo, It's that devil woman." 101 Dalmatians had a pretty awesome villain.
Dr. Falicier - The newest BAMF is one of the best, but he's written that way on purpose. Princess and the Frog is all about working hard to get the American dream. Falicier is all about conning others and making debts to get what you want. In a way, he's a mirror for the recent economic collapse. When you take out too many favors from your "friends," eventually they will reclaim what you've taken. Only difference is that this one's voodoo and not cash. Oh, he pulls a Chernabog with his shadows, which is also pretty fucking cool.
Gantu - Lilo and Stitch is one of my favorite Disney movies, but it didn't really have a villain. Stitch was one for a while, but that changed. Jumba Jookiba wasn't really evil, just insane (sometimes bordering on retarded). Gantu is the closest thing to a villain that Lilo and Stitch had, but that's okay. I like that he's just there to be a douche, without really being overbearing. I like that he's only doing his job, even if it is usually unethical. I like that he's the everyman of villainy, like the gang member rather than the Adolf Hitler.
Hades - Suave! Sarcastic! On fire! I hated Hercules for the most part, but I loved the villains. The Hydra is only absent from this list because it dies like a bitch. I wanted Hades to win so badly, based on his charisma entirely. If he wasn't so cool, then I would've hated the movie. He made it not only watchable, but enjoyable. I suppose there are perks to being the god of Death.
Headless Horseman - Long before you were born, Disney took the crap shot and made a series of several completely unrelated sequences lumped together as films. Most of these were somewhat terrible, but two are memorable. The Three Caballeros had no villain, and looking back, really wasn't all that special (just memorable). The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad, however, took an American folk story and some other thing that no one cared about, and made a movie. The Headless Horseman has been done many other times in many other ways since, but this is the best version of him. No one cares about his back story, or why he kills people. All that matters is that he's an evil ghost that will royally mess you up if you get too close to his land.
Jafar - Contrary to popular belief, Aladdin's villain might not have been Jafar, but the Genie. However, as Robin Williams is incapable of playing a villain very well, it never really shows. Jonathan Freeman, however, plays a mean motherfucker. He uses hypnosis, dark transformation magic, fire, and an annoying fucking bird named after the best villain of all time. On top of all that, he's so evil that he doesn't need a song to himself (Disney's version of a soliloquy) to explain how evil he is.
Rattigan - You probably didn't watch The Great Mouse Detective. Go do it now. This will still be here.
Done? Good. I probably don't really need to describe him now. Voiced by Vincent Price, kills naysayers by throwing them to his raincor (a cat named Felicia), and likes robots. That's awesome. "Even meaner? You mean it? Even worse than the widows and orphans you drowned?" His song says it all.
Scar - Yay for Hamlet! The Lion King is a great movie for English majors, and Scar is evidence that someone can be both a "muscle man" and a "peter pan." He wasn't some dumb shit that was afraid to get his paws dirty, he killed his brother personally, stole the kingdom, and ran it into the ground. He's got a song, so he's not quite as evil as Jafar, but he is much more successful.
The Coachman - Pinocchio, much like The Princess and the Frog, is a film about working hard to get what you want... except that it's more realistic in the sense that the world is full of assholes that will detract from it. There are half a dozen characters that can be villains. Stromboli is a cruel, greedy, violent fat ass. Honest John is a greedy, murderous crook. Monstro's a fucking whale that eats families. Lampwick is the kind of kid that everyone wants to slap in the face. "Coachman" is easily the most evil of the bastards in this. He uses the dark magic of being a little shit to turn children into "jackasses." That's pretty evil.
So that's that. Disagree? Lemme know. Agree? We can revel in the badassery of Disney's villains.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Day Two
So far there is a distinct absence of failure. I'm posting again, and it's still recent and relevant to the previous one. Suck it, apathy.
I'm a geek, and I'm quite proud of it. I know this because I fawn over the technical aspects of upcoming video games while I try to compose a list of influential graphic novelists to pretend is definitive. Said list is far from complete, and right now mostly consists of Frank Miller, Grant Morrison, Alan Moore, Neil Gaiman, and Jeff Smith. These folks are proper reflections of my reading tastes, and I suppose my tastes in most other media. I could write several paragraphs about each author's unique style and how it relates to the human condition (therefore to myself), but at present I don't really see the need. Any following I'm likely to develop will probably either know who these people are, have the sense to look them up, or stopped caring once they realized that "graphic novelist" doesn't mean "people that write sex and violence and cannibalism," (even if these are all evident in Frank Miller's work. I think the more important trend to get from this list is the overarching genres each tends to fall into.
These five authors are all heroes of mine, and each represents something different about the way I see life. Jeff Smith has the ability to present complicated concepts in a way that anyone can understand and sympathize with, without getting tedious and preachy. Neil Gaiman presents the unusual in natural ways, allowing the audience to cope with the adversity in a more civilized manner. Alan Moore encourages the readers to pierce the conventions of normalcy that skew true vision, even/especially when said conventions are so huge that we miss them in everyday life. Grant Morrison asks questions that no one ever wishes to ask, and provides insight into the queries that all have but few ever ask in sanity. Frank Miller shows the gritty, animalistic side of all humans, especially those who are so "civilized" that their humanity rides solely on the perceptions of all other humans around them.
I generally didn't have comic books as a child, I discovered each of these authors within the last half decade or so, some as recently as this past month. This isn't nostalgia talking, it's practical research and pragmatic logic. If it were nostalgia, you wouldn't know what the hell I was typing about when I reference Zen: The Intergalactic Ninja. Comics aren't for kids, but when they get them, kids pretend they are.
I should start writing a graphic novel soon. Fundamentally, this is very different from a comic. Comics, as inherent in the title, are supposed to have punchlines. I want to write something deeper than a few throw away jokes on some throw away characters. I don't want it to be "Two guys walk into a bar... PUNCHLINE!" (This one works better in person, accompanied by a jab to the nose.) I want it to be "To guys walk into a bar in Israel... five minutes later, it ceases to exist." No nonsense, only the gravity of a situation and just enough quips to make it digestible to the reader.
There is just enough nonsense in the five heroes above's work to make the intense nature of the stories told bearable to the average person. Monsters craving quiche give way to discourse over materialism and fear mongering. The happy appearance of the campy villain from the 60's provides cover for the unraveling of all of space-time through God's boredom. The humor provides a lift so the readers can stay on point for the trauma yet to ensue.
I've got to try it. There's no drawback, there is only progress. And quiche.
I'm a geek, and I'm quite proud of it. I know this because I fawn over the technical aspects of upcoming video games while I try to compose a list of influential graphic novelists to pretend is definitive. Said list is far from complete, and right now mostly consists of Frank Miller, Grant Morrison, Alan Moore, Neil Gaiman, and Jeff Smith. These folks are proper reflections of my reading tastes, and I suppose my tastes in most other media. I could write several paragraphs about each author's unique style and how it relates to the human condition (therefore to myself), but at present I don't really see the need. Any following I'm likely to develop will probably either know who these people are, have the sense to look them up, or stopped caring once they realized that "graphic novelist" doesn't mean "people that write sex and violence and cannibalism," (even if these are all evident in Frank Miller's work. I think the more important trend to get from this list is the overarching genres each tends to fall into.
These five authors are all heroes of mine, and each represents something different about the way I see life. Jeff Smith has the ability to present complicated concepts in a way that anyone can understand and sympathize with, without getting tedious and preachy. Neil Gaiman presents the unusual in natural ways, allowing the audience to cope with the adversity in a more civilized manner. Alan Moore encourages the readers to pierce the conventions of normalcy that skew true vision, even/especially when said conventions are so huge that we miss them in everyday life. Grant Morrison asks questions that no one ever wishes to ask, and provides insight into the queries that all have but few ever ask in sanity. Frank Miller shows the gritty, animalistic side of all humans, especially those who are so "civilized" that their humanity rides solely on the perceptions of all other humans around them.
I generally didn't have comic books as a child, I discovered each of these authors within the last half decade or so, some as recently as this past month. This isn't nostalgia talking, it's practical research and pragmatic logic. If it were nostalgia, you wouldn't know what the hell I was typing about when I reference Zen: The Intergalactic Ninja. Comics aren't for kids, but when they get them, kids pretend they are.
I should start writing a graphic novel soon. Fundamentally, this is very different from a comic. Comics, as inherent in the title, are supposed to have punchlines. I want to write something deeper than a few throw away jokes on some throw away characters. I don't want it to be "Two guys walk into a bar... PUNCHLINE!" (This one works better in person, accompanied by a jab to the nose.) I want it to be "To guys walk into a bar in Israel... five minutes later, it ceases to exist." No nonsense, only the gravity of a situation and just enough quips to make it digestible to the reader.
There is just enough nonsense in the five heroes above's work to make the intense nature of the stories told bearable to the average person. Monsters craving quiche give way to discourse over materialism and fear mongering. The happy appearance of the campy villain from the 60's provides cover for the unraveling of all of space-time through God's boredom. The humor provides a lift so the readers can stay on point for the trauma yet to ensue.
I've got to try it. There's no drawback, there is only progress. And quiche.
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