Make Friends with (better) Grammar

There are few things that bother me like poor grammar, especially when written by an otherwise clever person. This has ruined plays, blogs, poems, and essays that I've read, and it bothers me a little more each day. This wouldn't be the case if the majority of these works weren't by writing majors. It's only worse in the case of individuals who know how to fix their work, but don't bother to re-read any of their own material and produce drivel instead.

My own grammar is far from perfect, but there are little things that play on my nerves more than most others.

Tense Shifts - This is a common and relatively easy mistake to make. I'm guilty of it from time to time as well, but I usually correct it as I'm typing. The use of "were" and "is" in the same sentence referencing objects that are not in a state of constant being doesn't anger me, per say, but it is annoying and detrimental to an otherwise intelligent piece.

Contractions - I love these things. If I didn't have them, my writing would be much more dry and less personal. When they're used incorrectly however, I whip out my handy red-pen and scribble the hell out of whatever paper I'm looking at. Some of these improper contractions include you're, they're, we're, and it's. These do not mean "You forgot your book!/Let's go there!/They forgot their elephant!/It lost its way!" Common mistakes, yes. This does not mean that they cannot be fixed, or that common sense can't just fix it if anyone had the drive to read their own work. Good job.

Punctuation - For the love of Jesus shaped cookies, use punctuation. If you don't, I will throw things at you. When you do not use punctuation, you look like an asshole. Even if you use too many commas, you are still using them.

When you don't use commas and want to show something it looks like you have too much to say and only one breath to say it before the world explodes and they will never know the love you had for their domesticated animal

Get it?

And I/And Me - The rules are still the same, whether or not you have a friend with you. You're polite, so your friend comes first, but you're still the same as you were. "Dave and I went walking," is the same as "I went walking." Except there's Dave too. "Who wants to walk with Dave and me?" is the same as "Who wants to walk with me?" It's not complicated at all, contrary to common belief when you're in the third grade. As time goes on, your view is supposed to grow and mature on its own.

Then/Than - When? Then! This is probably better than whatever you're using to remember the difference, based on what I read on a day to day basis.

When you're intelligent and you type as if you weren't, then it doesn't matter what you have to say. You will look stupid, and be laughed at. I will be the one encouraging others to laugh at you. Please, for the love of fuck, proofread.