Ten Disney Villains that are Awesome.

In alphabetical order, these are my ten favorite Disney villains from the "Animated Classics."

Chernabog - Fantasia made me very happy when I was a child... except for Night on Bald Mountain. You probably don't recognize the name of this character. He was originally annotated as Satan. He controls restless souls and is enormous. He opens hell and throws them in. His name is even taken from a pagan night god. This is no regular character, and now that I'm old enough not to wet myself when I watch this part, he's my favorite villain.

Cruella de Vil - When your name is derived from "cruel" and "devil," you know you're going to have problems. She must've changed her name legally when she grew up, I'm pretty sure no loving parent would ever name their child "Cruella." However, if my parents named me like this, I'd probably be an evil hag that kills puppies and hates jazz too. The very first time she's referenced reinforces the image: "Oh Pongo, It's that devil woman." 101 Dalmatians had a pretty awesome villain.

Dr. Falicier - The newest BAMF is one of the best, but he's written that way on purpose. Princess and the Frog is all about working hard to get the American dream. Falicier is all about conning others and making debts to get what you want. In a way, he's a mirror for the recent economic collapse. When you take out too many favors from your "friends," eventually they will reclaim what you've taken. Only difference is that this one's voodoo and not cash. Oh, he pulls a Chernabog with his shadows, which is also pretty fucking cool.

Gantu - Lilo and Stitch is one of my favorite Disney movies, but it didn't really have a villain. Stitch was one for a while, but that changed. Jumba Jookiba wasn't really evil, just insane (sometimes bordering on retarded). Gantu is the closest thing to a villain that Lilo and Stitch had, but that's okay. I like that he's just there to be a douche, without really being overbearing. I like that he's only doing his job, even if it is usually unethical. I like that he's the everyman of villainy, like the gang member rather than the Adolf Hitler.

Hades - Suave! Sarcastic! On fire! I hated Hercules for the most part, but I loved the villains. The Hydra is only absent from this list because it dies like a bitch. I wanted Hades to win so badly, based on his charisma entirely. If he wasn't so cool, then I would've hated the movie. He made it not only watchable, but enjoyable. I suppose there are perks to being the god of Death.

Headless Horseman - Long before you were born, Disney took the crap shot and made a series of several completely unrelated sequences lumped together as films. Most of these were somewhat terrible, but two are memorable. The Three Caballeros had no villain, and looking back, really wasn't all that special (just memorable). The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad, however, took an American folk story and some other thing that no one cared about, and made a movie. The Headless Horseman has been done many other times in many other ways since, but this is the best version of him. No one cares about his back story, or why he kills people. All that matters is that he's an evil ghost that will royally mess you up if you get too close to his land.

Jafar - Contrary to popular belief, Aladdin's villain might not have been Jafar, but the Genie. However, as Robin Williams is incapable of playing a villain very well, it never really shows. Jonathan Freeman, however, plays a mean motherfucker. He uses hypnosis, dark transformation magic, fire, and an annoying fucking bird named after the best villain of all time. On top of all that, he's so evil that he doesn't need a song to himself (Disney's version of a soliloquy) to explain how evil he is.

Rattigan - You probably didn't watch The Great Mouse Detective. Go do it now. This will still be here.



Done? Good. I probably don't really need to describe him now. Voiced by Vincent Price, kills naysayers by throwing them to his raincor (a cat named Felicia), and likes robots. That's awesome. "Even meaner? You mean it? Even worse than the widows and orphans you drowned?" His song says it all.

Scar - Yay for Hamlet! The Lion King is a great movie for English majors, and Scar is evidence that someone can be both a "muscle man" and a "peter pan." He wasn't some dumb shit that was afraid to get his paws dirty, he killed his brother personally, stole the kingdom, and ran it into the ground. He's got a song, so he's not quite as evil as Jafar, but he is much more successful.

The Coachman - Pinocchio, much like The Princess and the Frog, is a film about working hard to get what you want... except that it's more realistic in the sense that the world is full of assholes that will detract from it. There are half a dozen characters that can be villains. Stromboli is a cruel, greedy, violent fat ass. Honest John is a greedy, murderous crook. Monstro's a fucking whale that eats families. Lampwick is the kind of kid that everyone wants to slap in the face. "Coachman" is easily the most evil of the bastards in this. He uses the dark magic of being a little shit to turn children into "jackasses." That's pretty evil.

So that's that. Disagree? Lemme know. Agree? We can revel in the badassery of Disney's villains.