She thinks she missed the train to Mars, she's out back counting stars.

I sometimes wonder what a midlife crisis feels like. I imagine it's not much like other popular crises, as The Flash gets to live and you are most likely going to keep your job if you stay sane. I wonder this more often of late, as I've always had a strange feeling that I'd probably die in my sixties saving children from a burning building as I'm on an afternoon jog. I'm twenty four now, I only have six years to prepare if all goes according to plan.

Will I feel like my life is unfulfilled despite whatever wonders I've built up for myself in that time? Will I find myself unhappy in my workplace, and storm out to become a part-time anthropologist/part-time "costumed vigilante?" Will I decide to join a nudist colony, go vegan, and the other exploits of Harvie Krumpet as a throw away gag? It's difficult to say.

Realistically, senility will be my greatest fear. It runs in my family, on both sides. This isn't to say that it's a bad thing, I'm sure it can be lots of fun. Every day is a new adventure if you can't remember the day before. It frightens me now even. My memory's already pretty shoddy, the prospect of not remembering the things that matter to me is terrifying. I've lived through a lot of things I'd like to forget, but there's far more I'd love to remember.

Senility doesn't only mean Alzheimer's, though that is my bigger fear, it can also mean dementia (Wikipedia's auto-redirection when you look at it). I can only vaguely imagine myself in the future, I've never been able to really ever. That's another topic for another time. In this future image of myself, I half smirk at the thought of trying to saw a piece of wood with a can of air spray. Trying to fix a blender with a chopstick. Making a sandwich with the cat struggling while I put peanut butter on its leg. I find it amusing now, but when the time comes, the novelty will wear quickly.

Yes, I'm sure that's my crisis. I will not be afraid of inadequacy in any way, I will fear for loss of my mental capacity. My thoughts, memories, and reasoning skills are all I really have when all else fails or abandons me. Even when what I have is out of reach, I always have my wits. I will panic and break down into tears without them, or perhaps at the thought of being without them.

I have six years to wait, and a lot to do in this time. Maybe I should start taking Ginko now and see what happens.